Real Choices. Real Changes. Real Life.

Last week, I turned 35 years old.  Last week, I went from having to check the 25-34 year old box to the 35-39 year old one.  Last week I really reflected on my life.  I reflected on all of the highs, the lows, and most of all the amazing in my life.

Most definitely, there have been lows in my life.  There have been times I have been lower than low.  There have been times when I've wanted to just let it all go.  There have been times I've had to say good-bye to some of the most important people in my life.  There have been times I have cried myself to sleep.  Times I have wondered what all of it means and what the point of all of it is.  There have been times that I have been so angry at God I started to walk away.

But then, there are so, so many more times that the highs in my life completely outweighed the lows. There are times in my life that are so filled with happiness that my heart could barely contain it.  Even those low times, I can think of moments in them that were so filled with joy.  Times when tears of sadness and despair turned to tears of laughter.  At funerals when everyone is so sad, but all it takes is a mention of a memory. Then there are those times of utmost joy when there is no sadness.  Moments in my life that changed my life are filled with so much happiness.  Seeing my babies come into this world.  The moment E walked into that bar and tapped me on the shoulder.  The moment when we first saw that positive pregnancy test. Finishing my very first REAL knitted item (probably only crafters will get what a joy this is). Crossing the finish line on my first 5K, then on my first 10K.  Pressing up 135 pounds and then walking a 5K faster than I have ever ran one. Watching friends walk down the aisle. Meeting new friends and instantly knowing what an important part of my life they will become or even more surprisingly having NO idea what an important part of my life they will become! Even saying good-bye to loved ones has moments of joy as I know they have gone on to be with the Lord. That moment when I realized that even when I wanted to walk away from Him, He saw me, He knew me, He loved me, and He called me back.  Seeing the amazing.  Isn't that what this life is all about?

Since this blog is mainly about my journey to be the best me possible, I've been thinking about what turning 35 means for this journey.  I know that at 35, I feel better than I have EVER felt in my ENTIRE life.  And I mean that completely literally, this is the BEST I have ever been.  Now, that does not mean that anything that came before this was bad.  It absolutely was not.  I have had a very good life.  I have people that love me, I have 3 amazing children who fill me with joy every day.  I have this incredible husband who I am blessed to wake up to every day.  I have had a very good life.  But, in the past year, I have come to realize that it could be even better.  So, that is what I set out to do.  I wanted my life to be the absolute best I could make it.  I did not ever want to wake up and look in the mirror and think that there was a chance that I did not live this blessed life to the absolute fullest.

You know where I am going with this.  If you have been reading my blog, following me on Facebook or Twitter, or just listening to pretty much anything I have talked about in the past 8 months, you know that I have changed my life.  I did not do it alone.  I have had major help along the way.  My husband changed his right a long with me.  We did this together.  I have taken advice from people much wiser than myself.  I have given in to the process of change, knowing that not every day will be perfect, but every day will be BETTER.  And what better means changes daily.  Every day I have to re-evaluate what I want my life to look like.  Every day I give everything I am doing over to God and ask for His help.  HE set me on this path, this path to make my life the life HE wanted for me.  I have no doubt that that is what I am doing and I want to make sure that HE is a part of every bit of it.

So when I say that this is the best I have ever felt, I mean not just physically, but also mentally, emotionally, and most importantly spiritually.  This life is only going to get better.  35 is just a number.  I don't look 35.  I definitely don't feel 35.  35 looks better than 30 did.  And, 30 looked pretty good.  So, I say this to you.  When you look at your life, are you where you want to be? Are you where HE wants you to be? Are you listening to those around you who might be a little wiser? Are you listening to that still small voice inside of you telling you HE loves you and wants everything for you? If changes need to be made, are you making them? Those changes aren't always physical, believe me, I know that.  If you see me, you see the physical changes, but you have no idea how much work is being done on the inside, and honestly, that is even more important to me.

Many people have asked me how I have done what I have done, but in the next breath say, "Oh, I just don't have time right now."  I tell them, that's okay, you will know when it is your time.  It took me a LONG time to come to terms, to listen, and to OBEY.  That is a difficult word to get, even more difficult to follow.  But, that is what I did.  I came to terms with what I was doing to my life (physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually), I listened, and then I tried to obey.  I don't always get it perfect, heck, I don't always get it right.  Some days, I get it TOTALLY wrong.  But, I keep trying.  And in the end, that is all any of us can do.  Try.  Because what better example can we give our children, our friends, our family, ourselves?  TRY.

May you be blessed.

FAITH. COURAGE. STRENGTH. CHANGE.

The Dreaded "P" Word

If you have ever tried to lose weight, get healthy, or just take better care of yourself, most likely you have encountered the dreaded "p" word...PLATEAU. Ugh.  Plateaus seriously suck for motivation.  At least they do for me. In case you aren't familiar with a plateau, let me inform you.  A plateau means that the scale isn't moving.  You are doing everything right, and there is very little to no weight loss.  Now, I know that I have said many times that the number isn't all that important to me and while that is true, it can get super frustrating when that number doesn't go down at all.  Or worse, when it goes up!  This is especially true when you KNOW that you have done everything you need to do to make that number go down.

I do lift weights, and I lift heavy which means that I am building some major muscle while I am losing fat.  And we have all heard the old saying, "muscle weighs more than fat."  But, psychologically, that is really difficult to remember when I stand on that scale and the number is the same or higher than it was the week before.  And when that happens for a couple of weeks in a row...well, let's just say that little voice in the back of my head wondering why I am doing all of this gets VERY LOUD!

I Googled "Weight Loss Plateau" and was supplied with an extremely long list of ways to break through a plateau.  There were suggestions ranging from cutting my calories down even more to adding in a bunch more calories (guess which one of those suggestions I was more in favor of!!!). The suggestion that I thought made the most sense was the one that said to change up your workout routine.

Do your resistance training before your cardio. You'll use up your glycogen stores doing the weight training and when you move on to cardio, your body will use your fat stores as a fuel source. http://www.wikihow.com/Break-a-Weight-Loss-Plateau

So, today I did a version of that.  I didn't do cardio before I hit the weights like I usually do.  My plan had been to hit the weights first and then get in my cardio.  What I didn't plan on was how much fun I would be having while lifting that I ran out of time to get the cardio in!!  Luckily, my oldest has basketball camp this afternoon and the other 2 want to ride their bikes in the parking lot.  So, I am going to do a cardio circuit workout while they are riding.  Then, I will go to Spin tonight.  No matter what order I'm doing it in, I will be burning MAJOR calories!!  This plateau that I am will be hitting the bricks this week.  I am going to push through.  I have watched enough "The Biggest Loser" to know that a plateau is just a week or two in a journey, not an end point.  I will come out on the other side stronger, wiser, healthier, and just more of a bad-ass.  I've got this!

What do YOU do when you hit a plateau?  Any tips?

Faith. Courage. Strength. Change.

Life Gets In The Way Sometimes

I had no idea that it has been almost a month since I last blogged.  I apologize to my massive amount of readers.  The past month has really just been insane for our family.  We got everyone finished with school, and then it started.  The week of June 6th, we had Vacation Bible School at our church, which all three kids are involved with and I help with.  Following each day, we had 2 hours of swim lessons for the girls.  We would finally either go to the gym or go home about 3 o'clock.  If we went to the gym, we didn't get home until about 4:30 and then would often turn right around and head back to the gym for Spin Class.

The next week, we had a form of VBS at the church where the kids go/have gone to Pre-school.  The girls participate in it and M is in child care there throughout the day because I help with that VBS too.  We had another 2 hours of swim lessons each day after this VBS as well.  Add the gym, work I had to do for VBS, trying to get everyone fed, and it made for a tired mama!

After that week, we headed down to my parents' house for the week and had a wonderful time, but my access to the internet was pretty limited.  My folks live in the middle of a corn field and do not have the greatest service.

So, since we have been home, I have been playing catch up and am just now getting a chance to sit down to blog!  Hopefully you all (or the one of you!) :) understand that as I know that we are all busy and trying to survive the summer!!

So, catching up a tad is probably in order.  While I was so busy, I didn't get a lot of weight-lifting in.  That is mainly because I just didn't have time and I was so busy, I knew I couldn't be sore from lifting.  But mainly, I just didn't have time!  What that leaves me with then is a LOT of cardio!  I did Spin classes 4 times each week during VBS just to get my calorie burn in.  While I was at my mom and dad's I wasn't able to get to the gym, but I walked every day but one and that was so great!  Like I said, my parents live in the middle of the country and it was so wonderful to walk with nature and just enjoy being outside.  I walked at least 3 miles each time.

There is that part of me that has always wanted to be a runner.  I have tried and failed so many times.  It would get so frustrating.  It has taken me about 20 years to finally figure out that MAYBE God just didn't make me a runner, because he certainly did not give me the knees for it!  I have always joked that I can walk faster than I can run anyway!  The last 5K (3.1 miles) that I "ran" (that means run/walk, because I have never been able to run a whole 3.1 miles!) I did in 45 minutes and 2 seconds.  I have been working hard to get my time under that with just walking.  I didn't know if I would be able to do it or not.  But, while I was down at my folks, I timed myself and I did it!!  I did a 5K in 43 minutes and 25 seconds!!  I was so thrilled!  Can't wait to actually do a race.  I know I will be doing the Bumblerun in E's hometown in September and the Purdue 5K in October.  I may see if I can find some other ones along the way too. Bottom line, I can walk a 5K faster than I can run one! Woo!

I did get back in the weight room this week and it felt awesome!  I am SO sore though!  Ouch!  My booty is screaming from squats and lunges, but is that going to stop me?  Uh, NO!!!  I am going back to Spinning tonight for my second class in 2 days.

This video has been going around Facebook and I finally had a chance to watch it and I HIGHLY suggest that you do as well.  I have always disliked the term "Like A Girl" and I LOVE how this video turns it on it's head.  It is a must see!!

LIKE A GIRL

Since I haven't posted in a while, I figured I would let you know how I am doing and give you some pics on how I am looking.  I have lost 63.4 pounds in 25 weeks and I feel so strong and healthy.  I am fitting into clothes that I haven't worn in a long time and was able to buy a new pair of jeans in a size smaller than I thought I would.  I have muscles showing in places that I haven't seen them in a long time.  It is an awesome feeling and I love it and want more of it!!!

Here is a pic that my sweet daughter L took of me and my muscles.

I'm LOVING that cut in my shoulders that is starting to come through.  I'm going to keep at it though, because I want the rest of the cuts that go with them!!

It is a lot of hard work.  I am LOVING this hard work, but make no mistake.  It is HARD work.  I didn't decide to do this on a whim.  I thought a lot about it.  I prayed A LOT about it.  I talked with a lot of people about it.  I just want to be clear about what I am doing here.  I have said this many times, but this is not a quick fix for me.  This is my life.  There is no pill.  There is no magic drink.  There is no short cut.  It is all hard work, dedication, prayer, and the decision EVERY single day to change my life.  This is what it is.

Faith. Courage. Strength. Change.

G.R.I.T.

After a wonderful weekend watching a friend get married filled with greasy food, cake, and plenty of wine and whiskey, I was fully expecting a pretty high weight gain this week.  Thankfully hard work and good choices at other points made for a very small gain and one I could live with without getting down on myself.  It showed me a very important lesson.  OCCASIONALLY, it will be okay for me to indulge and eat some things that aren't good for me or have a couple of drinks.  I don't have to be scared of holiday celebrations or family functions.  That is a great turning point for me.  Life doesn't end just because you decide to make the needed changes to make that life the best it can be!

Remember all those Rubbermaid boxes of clothes that I told you about? Well, I decided to go through them.  I went through my entire closet, the 3 boxes, and 2 bags that a friend had given me.  I took out EVERYTHING that was too big, too short, out of style, or anything that I just knew I wasn't going to wear any more.  Note to self, never go that long between cleaning out the wardrobe...I had things from college in there!  Do you remember the Paul Harris store?  Yeah, lots of stuff from there...that may even be dating back to high school!!  Yeesh!  Anyway, I ended up pulling out and getting rid of 2 cabinet boxes and one plastic bag full of clothes.  The clothes that were in the Rubbermaid boxes were tried on and a lot of them fit!  Woo hoo!  I ended up having 1 box of clothes that are still a little tight, but I put them back in the box and will hold on to them.  I will be in them before I know it!

Cleaning out my closet like that left me with a lot of extra T-shirts that I am not wearing.  So, what is a girl that spends most of her time in the gym to do?  You guessed it! I'm back to cutting them up.  Here was my surgery attempt from last night.  I wish I would have taken a before pic, but it was just a white T-shirt with a blue ringer on the neckline and sleeves.  Looks a little different now!

Like my pig-tails? Yes, I am a 34 year old little kid!

In case you can not tell, the sleeves have been cut off as well as the neckline.  Neck was cut in a V as was the back.  The seams at the shoulder were cut and retied together.  I accidentally cut the back a little deep, so I cut strips in it to tie it up the back.  I tried to take a pic of it, but it is really difficult to take a picture of your back! :)  I wore it to RPM this morning and it worked out pretty well.  It is a little wide and slipped off of my shoulders some, but just looked like a cute off the shoulder shirt.  Had I not been covered in sweat, probably would have looked better!!  I can't wait to cut in to some of the others!

So, my title today is G.R.I.T.  During Spin Class this morning, our instructor told us this acronym.  I LOVE it.  I will be adding it to my list of mantras.  

GET REAL INTENSE TRAINING

Every time I walk into that gym, this will be in my head.  Real Intense Training, because going half-way just isn't an option.  I got this.

Faith. Courage. Strength. Changes.

20 Weeks!

In 20 weeks, my life has changed.  It is utterly amazing to me how every single aspect of my life has improved since January.  Don't get me wrong, I still have crappy days just like everyone else.  There are still days when I just want to dig into the chocolate and peanut butter (sometimes I even give in to that craving!).  But, when I look at my life and all of the amazing things God has blessed me with, I can't help but shake my head in wonder.  In January, I prayed.  I prayed that He would help me find a way to make myself healthier, happier, a better mom, a better wife, and a better friend.  I prayed that if He wanted me to move in this direction that He would provide the path.  And has He ever.

In 20 weeks, I have lost over 50 pounds, but I have GAINED oh so much more.  I have seen my body do things I had no idea it would ever do again.  I have lifted pounds that I haven't been able to do since I was a senior in High School.  I have found a love for spinning and rowing and even the elliptical machine.  Running around with my kids kicking a soccer ball no longer makes me feel like I am going to keel over dead.  Watching my body in the mirror has started to make me smile a little bit instead of feeling like I should be ashamed of what it looks like.  I have realized that there are some parts of my body that will never change even after I hit my goals, those stretch marks are here to stay.  And you know what?  That is okay, because each one of those marks is a reminder of the three beautiful children I was blessed to bring in to this world.

I have learned so much about food, it is almost ridiculous.  In the past, I have tried diets like the South Beach Diet and Weight Watchers.  Yes, I lost weight.  No, I was never able to keep it up.  Restricting my foods just does not work for me.  I LOVE to eat.  And I LOVE food.  Always have, always will.  I am a meat and potatoes kind of girl, not a salad chick.  What I have found is that telling myself I CAN'T have something only makes me want it more.  So, I quit telling myself that.  I quit dieting and instead found a way of life.  I still eat cookies.  I still eat steaks.  Heck, last night I had cheese ravioli with alfredo sauce from Puccini's.  What I have changed is HOW I eat.  I no longer need to smother my ravioli in the alfredo sauce.  I can have it on the side and just have a small amount.  If I DO have a salad, it does NOT need to be drenched in dressing.  I can even have REAL dressing if I want and just not drown my salad in it.  These are things anyone wanting to lose weight hears just about all the time.  But, until you really understand how it affects YOU, it is not going to click.  For me, it finally clicked.  The ONLY thing that I no longer consume is soda.  I really paid attention to how it was making me feel and figured out that it was something I really needed to get rid of in my life.  I am glad that I did.  Sometimes does it suck to choose yogurt over pie?  Yes, of course it does.  But, sometimes, that choice must be made.  Sometimes it is OK to have the pie, but it is NOT OK to choose pie every time.

The funny thing in all this is that once you start getting healthier and feeling better about yourself, so many other things in life seem so much better.  My relationship with my husband is stronger than it has ever been.  We are in this life together and we are making it the best it can be.  My relationship with my children is awesome because I have the energy to spend the time with them that I need to and that THEY need me to.  Yes, I still get frustrated with them.  Yes, they still get yelled at.  I'm human.  But, I can tolerate the little things so much better now.  Most stress I feel gets beat out of me at the gym.  When you aren't getting upset at the short people in your house, you find that they really are a LOT of fun!

I hope that I have become a better friend too.  I try really hard not to make every single conversation anyone has with me about my journey.  Sometimes, it is inevitable, especially when someone else brings it up.  But, I feel like since I feel better about myself, I can listen better to others.  Does that make sense?  I hope this is true anyway, because I have the most amazing friends and I want to be as good to them as they are to me!

My biggest and most favorite growth though has been in my relationship with Christ.  He has pushed me and challenged me in ways I would have never imagined.  When He started me on this path, I was terrified.  I was scared I would fail and let myself down.  Or even worse I would let everyone else including Him down.  What I didn't realize is this: "If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it."  So very true.  By inviting Him fully into my meals, my workouts, my conversations, my life I have found so much more purpose and strength.  He is with me through every single step, push up, and bicep curl.  He pushes me, He encourages me, He celebrates me.  He is just awesome.

So, bottom line, what have I learned in 20 weeks?  Here is my top 10 list:

10. When you lose weight and commit to being healthy, people will ask you a lot of questions and assume you are an expert.  It is OK to give you opinion and share what you have learned.  But, remember you are NOT a trainer or a doctor.  It is okay to remind them of that.

9. Sometimes your body does need rest.  You are NOT weak if you take this rest.  Just don't let the rest last TOO long.

8. Occasionally you need a treat.  Swiss Cake Rolls are pretty good at fulfilling that.

7. Don't be afraid to brag about your successes, it is an awesome feeling when the world (and by world I mean friends and Facebook) celebrates with you.

6. When someone compliments you, say "thank you".  Anything else is unnecessary and either demeaning to you or them.  (Totally still working on this one!!)

5. Diet is a bad word, don't use it.  For that matter, so is skinny and fat.  Let them go.

4.  In the weight room, men are actually much more encouraging to women than you think they would be.  Don't be afraid of them.  Sure, you will have the occasional one who looks at you either with annoyance or to check you out, but most just think it is cool to see a girl not afraid to lift.  It is OK to be strong!

3.  Don't be afraid to try a new class or exercise.  Your butt, arms, legs, and every single muscle might hurt like crazy the next day and sitting down to go to the bathroom will be all but impossible.  But, I promise, the second time you do it, you will be AWESOME!

2. I am absolutely worth this.  So is my family and so are my friends.  We all deserve the best me that I can be.

1.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13, NIV

I do want to say thank you to everyone who has been following me on this journey so far.  Thanks for keeping me honest and encouraged.  Thanks for reading, thanks for praying.  Thanks for the good thoughts, and the occasional kick in the butt.  Thank you.  I still have a long way to go.  This is not a perfect journey, but it is my journey.  And I am beyond proud and excited to be making it.

To finish, here are some pics of my journey so far!

New Year's Eve, 2013 (It isn't a great pic, but it is the only one I could find with a full body shot.  Obviously, I was less than thrilled to have my picture taken and have sort of shielded my body with L's.)

4 Weeks In!

8 Weeks In!

12 Weeks!

16 Weeks!

20 Weeks!!

FAITH. COURAGE. STRENGTH. CHANGE.

We Have GOT To Stop!

Ladies (And Men!) I have noticed something lately.  This is something that I know I am guilty of doing, but it is something that we all HAVE to stop doing.

FAT. CHUBBY. THICK. BIG. CHUNKY. PUDGY. LARGE.

How many times each day do you call yourself one of these words or something similar?  Or what about one of these?

STUPID. UGLY. DUMB. DITZY. FOOLISH. HIDEOUS. HORRIBLE.

I have really been listening the past couple of weeks and these are all words that I have heard at least one woman call herself out loud.  This makes me so sad.  We call ourselves words that we wouldn't even begin to think about calling someone else.  We insult ourselves so easily.  We don't even think twice about using these retched words to describe our bodies and our minds.

I found this image on Google.  I don't know how to "reference" it,

so please give me grace for not giving credit to whoever originally did it.

I have been running this line from the movie "Mean Girls" through my head all day because it is so true.  When we so easily insult ourselves, we give permission for other people to insult us.  I like to read stories that pop up on Facebook about people that have worked really hard to lose weight or make themselves healthier.  It gives me hope.  What gets me though is that there is always at least one person (commonly referred to as a "troll" in internet land) who feels the need to put down this person who has worked so hard.  When I see those negative posts, I get pretty upset.  Then I often will go back and read the original "success" story and so many times I will find a point in the story that the person refers to herself as "fat" or "chubby" or some other word like that.  By using that type of language to describe herself, she just gives permission to the "troll" to use that type of language.  By showing even just a small amount of extra confidence (and it does take confidence to NOT use those words, have no doubt about it) and choosing NOT to call ourselves these types of negative words, we take back control.  And by taking back that control, it becomes much less acceptable for others to call us these types of negative words.

Do you know what is also cool about NOT describing yourself as "fat" or "stupid" of "ugly"?  If you stop calling yourself that out loud, then your brain will start getting with the program and it MIGHT just stop thinking these things!  The biggest part of my journey has been learning that these words are just unacceptable.  They are unacceptable for me to say to others and even more unacceptable for me to say to myself.  I am more than these words.  You are more than these words.  We have to believe this.  We are worth it.  God made us the way we are.  He loves us.  Our friends and family love us.  Love yourself.  Believe in yourself.  Quit calling yourself names!!

Faith. Courage. Strength. Change.

Blessings!

Getting My Veggies!

One thing I have found that I sometimes have difficulty doing is getting my veggies.  I really do not know why that is.  I actually like most vegetables so theoretically it should be fairly simple to to get the 4 servings of vegetables (according to www.health.com) that active women should get each day.  It isn't.  I'm not really a girl who digs salads.  Well, let me retract that.  I prefer my salads to be slathered in dressing, and not the healthy kind (Blue Cheese is my absolute favorite!).  So, since that isn't exactly the healthy way to eat salads, I just don't eat them.  That leaves me with a problem in getting my veggies then, doesn't it?

That is one of the reasons I eat smoothies the way I do.  I can throw 1-2 cups of kale in the blender and get some veggies that way, then I don't feel bad about not eating salads.  I throw veggies like zucchini and squash in with my eggs which I love.  I try and sneak them in any thing I can so I make sure I am getting them.

I also love noodles.  Unfortunately noodles aren't exactly low in calories even though my new favorite kind, Ronzoni, is much lower!  So, a while ago, I tried something at the suggestion of the Hungry Girl called Tofu Noodles.  If you know me at all you know that I am NOT a tofu girl.  I am a meat and potatoes girl.  But, she talked about them so highly I thought I would give them a try.  UGH!  Yeah, they were GROSS!!!!  Yuck.  I have kept my eye out for another idea for noodles.  I heard about spaghetti squash which I tried with fantastic results.  Seriously, if you haven't tried spaghetti squash, run to to the store and get some!!

In my daily perusal of Pinterest, I found that Hungry Girl had suggested using Broccoli Slaw instead of noodles.  Now, I like slaw, I like broccoli, and I like noodles.  But, this seemed a little crazy.  I'm willing to try new things though, so I bought a bag.  I gave THIS recipe a try.  Oh My Goodness.  It was very good.  Now, realize up front, you are not eating noodles here.  They are still a little crunchy, but I put some home made pasta sauce (thank you Aunt Terri!) on them and a little Parmesan Cheese and it was really very good and very filling.  I will most definitely give this another try!  It was only about 170 calories for the entire bowl!  AND it gave me 2 cups of vegetables (that does not include the veggies in the pasta sauce either!) for my lunch.  Personally, I think it was WAY better than a salad!!

Let me know if you give it a try, I would love to know what you think!!

Faith. Courage. Strength. Change.

Oh, My Crazy Life!

I am so sorry that I haven't posted anything yet this week.  It has been a very very busy week.  I did weigh in on Monday morning and had a good week.  I know I haven't really posted a whole lot about my actual number of weight loss, but since I am now 4 months in, I thought you might want to know where I am.  I have lost 41.8 pounds total in this 16 weeks.  I look at that number though and know that it is so much more than 41.8 pounds.  I have put on a lot of muscle.  I can watch my body in the mirror and watch those muscles WORK.  They aren't just moving weight around, they are LIFTING that weight and becoming stronger.  Each week, I am able to lift more weight that I did the week before, each mile gets a little faster, and each 500 split gets a little less scary.  Now, let me be clear.  I did not say it ever got EASIER.  I just get stronger.  I get more confident.  I get better.

Last week I answered a question I have been getting.  I have two others that I have been asked a lot and I think they are worth addressing.

"What are you doing? What diet are you following?"

First let me say this.  THERE IS NO MAGIC here people.  I'm not trying to sound harsh.  I used to think that there had to be a quick easy way to lose weight.  I would see commercials on TV for Hydroxycut or some weight loss aide of that type and think, "Could it really be that easy?" "Surely there has to be SOME truth to this claim!".  Unfortunately, it ISN'T that easy and there is NO truth to that claim (or VERY little).  I really wish it was though, I truly do.  As it is, it is HARD work and there is NO easy fix.  I have had to make a CHOICE to do what I am doing.  I have had to make my own magic to do what I am doing.

So, what am I doing?  Well, it is a simple formula.  I watch my calories and I work out.  Let's address the working out first.  I am at the gym 5-6 days each week.  I take a spin class 2-3 times each week, a rowing class twice each week, I lift 3-4 days each week, I walk, I use the elliptical machine, and I do core work.  I fit in other things when I can.  If it will be helpful, I will post my workout schedule and what I do on one of my blog pages.  The simple answer though is this: I work my ass off.  Not pretty, but it is the truth.  Hard Work.

"What diet are you following?"  I really dis-like this question.  I am not following a diet.  I try really hard not to even use that word.  Yes, I am watching what I eat.  Yes, I count my calories.  No, I do not starve myself.  I use the "Lose It" app on my phone (www.loseit.com) to track my calories. I do this partly to be in control of what goes in my mouth.  I also use it to make sure I am eating enough.  Starving myself is NOT going to work.  Eating too much crap is NOT going to work.  This works for me.  I am making this a life-style.  This is not a "diet".  This is my life and if I want to eat pizza I will.  If I want to eat chocolate, I will.  But, I will eat it in control and I will make decisions that are going to benefit me, not derail me.

I hope that helps put those questions to rest.  Hard work and smart decisions.  Those are the answers!

Tomorrow I will include you in a challenge I am starting.  I will be posting what is being done daily so you can join in if you would like.  I will also add a page with my workouts so you can see what I do on a daily basis.

Blessings!

Take The Time

One question I get asked a lot since I started my journey in this new life is this:

"How do you have the time to work out and do all of the things you are doing?"

The answer to that is simple.  I am making the time.  Yes, I am blessed to be a Stay At Home Mom, so my schedule is a little more flexible that some.  But, I still have 3 kids and a husband to wrangle and 2 of those kids in a soccer schedule that I have to keep straight.  That is not always an easy thing to do.  I also volunteer a lot at church, I am on the leadership team for my MOPS group, in a Bible Study, and I volunteer as much as I can at the girls' school.  I also am in a knitting group and am a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant.  I am on the go a lot.  I am also very blessed to have a husband who is EXTREMELY supportive of me and helps me make the time to do what I need to do.

But, again, the answer to the original question is simple.  I make the time.

I write my time in the gym into my calendar.  I write it in ink so it is a permanent part of my schedule.  When I see it there and I can't erase it, I know I need to go.  If it means that I go at 9 o'clock at night, that that is when I go.  If I absolutely can not get to the gym, then I work out at home.  I do a video, I find something on Pinterest to do, or I just make it up as I go.  But I do SOMETHING.

I take my kids with me to the gym.  I am lucky to belong to a gym that has child-care so they can play while I work out.  I explain everything I am doing on this journey to my children.  They understand that Mommy wants to be healthy so I can do more things with them and be around for a very long time.  A healthier mommy means a healthier life for them and I am working very hard to make them see that.  I do not want any of them (especially my daughters) to think that I am doing this to be skinny or anything like that.  I want to be healthy, happy, and strong.  That is one of the best lessons I can teach them.

If I go to soccer practice, we take the bikes so the kids can ride their bikes and I can walk.  They get exercise and so do I.  Win Win.

I'm sure that there are people out there that think I am not being fair to my kids when I make them go play at the gym.  I know that there are Moms out there that feel a lot of guilt anytime they take the time to do something for themselves.  I'm going to say this simply.  Get over it.  What good are you doing anyone if you aren't taking care of yourself?  I ask that as someone who spent a long time not taking care of myself.

One day at MOPS, we had a speaker.  It was my sweet friend Natalie Snapp and you can read her wonderful writing at Embracing Life Just South Of Perfect.  Natalie was telling us why we needed to take care of ourselves.  It makes our lives at home much easier.  It makes us less angry and much more patient.  Sometimes just 5 minutes of peace and quiet and relaxation will make us a new woman.  I won't go into everything Natalie talked about, mainly because I think you should really listen to her speak it if you have the chance, but also because there is no way I can do her wonderful wisdom justice.  But, the main thing that I want to share with you that she spoke about that really struck a cord in me was this: Your body is a temple.

Have you heard that before?  I have.  I never truly understood what that phrase meant until Natalie explained it.  Again, her words are much more eloquent than my own, but I will do my best.  I have opened my heart to the Lord Jesus.  He resides in my heart.  Therefore, my earthly body which holds the heart that Jesus resides in is in fact a temple, as real a temple as any church.  It is my responsibility to treat this temple body with as much respect as I would a church.  I would never desecrate a church, why on earth would I do so to my body?  But, that is exactly what I was doing.  By filling my body with junk, by sitting on the couch and never trying to keep my body healthy, I was NOT honoring the temple God gave me.

I pray I am honoring Him now.

Blessings.

Easter Food Hangover

Yesterday was an amazingly wonderful Easter Sunday in which we celebrated our Risen Lord.  After a beautifully moving Holy Week, I had so anticipated this day. The Easter Mass was awesome and our family celebration afterwards was great!  It was wonderful to visit with everyone and watch my kids and their cousins play all afternoon.  It was a great and very blessed day! He is Alive!

I don't know what Easter dinner in your family is like, but in our family, it means ham, cheesy potatoes, corn pudding, green bean casserole, deviled eggs, rolls, ham/pickle rollups, and desserts. Oh the desserts!  I had given up sweets for Lent and had not had dessert in 40 days. I was wanting dessert people!  I'd love to say that not eating all the sugar during Lent got rid of all of the cravings, but unfortunately, that is not the case.  Since I started my life change, I had not really had a day in which I just ate what I wanted to eat and didn't stress too much about the calories (otherwise known as a splurge day!).  I decided that I needed to have one of those so I might as well make it a special day.  I tried not to go overboard, but I did enjoy the day.  I really enjoyed the desserts!

Yesterday morning I weighed myself just because I was curious where I was before my Splurge Day and then I weighed myself this morning to see the damage I did.  In the course of 24 hours, I "gained" 2.4 pounds!  Now, I know that I had ham and Ramen Noodle Coleslaw Salad, both of which are SUPER high in salt.  I also didn't get as much water yesterday as I would have liked.  I also know that there was no way I ate 8400 "Splurge" calories to cause a 2.4 pound gain (3500 calories per pound to help the math impaired.) so I know that although some of that gain may be legit most of it is probably water.  Today I have been flooding my body with water.  I have drank so much water, I feel like I'm floating a little.  I have to admit I have had a couple of non-healthy things today as well, but nothing like I did yesterday.  Let's be honest though, it is in the house staring me in the face, and I only have so much will power.  I will be glad when it is gone.  All of this explanation is to just say that sometimes a gain is a gain.  Sometimes a gain is bloat.  Sometimes you have to enjoy special days in your life.  Sometimes the chocolate is just really that good.  And sometimes, even with a 2.4 pound "gain", you still lose weight from the week before!  Not bad, and I will take it!

The knee is feeling so much better now.  I was able to lift lower body today and do squats and lunges.  I was on the elliptical and did a good hard workout on the treadmill.  Tonight I am heading to spinning, which I am looking forward to since I haven't been on a bike in the week.  It will be a good night!

Leftovers for dinner tonight means some of that food from yesterday, but continuing to drink lots of water and managing my portion size will make a big difference.

I hope you had a wonderful Easter with your family.  I wish you all the blessings in the world today and every day!!

A Hitch In The Plan

Today is my Monday check-in.  It was such a busy weekend, but it was only leading up to a busy week, so this is probably going to be a little short.  I have hit a snag in the plan, but I am determined that it is only going to be a small snag.

Saturday evening, I was giving 2 of the short people a bath.  When I went to stand up from kneeling on the floor, I heard a pop and had instant pain in my right knee.  For my readers that don't know, I have already had 2 surgeries on my right knee, so hearing a "pop" out of that same knee about made me throw up.  I stood up and walked around and the main pain went away, but it was still very sore.  Sunday was thankfully my day off from the gym so I could have a rest day.  It was very sore all throughout the day however, especially any time I made my leg go to the side.

E thought I might have something called Ilio-Tibial Band Syndrome, but is essentially Plantar Fasciitis, but in my knee (the hubs has a degree in Exercise Science...he is super smart!).  He said the only thing that will help is rest.  Well, that is all well and good, but the problem with that plan is that I am only 55 miles away from 500 Miles For Eli.  I am in 3rd place and I refuse to go down.  So, after seeing that I was visibly upset about this my sweet husband told me to relax and to rest Sunday and then I could spin on my own on Monday (today).  However, he gave me explicit instructions.  I was NOT allowed to ride with very much resistance.  I was NOT allowed to stand up and ride.  I was NOT allowed to go over 120 RPMs.  I was NOT to lift.  I assumed I was not supposed to do squats or lunges either (oh darn.).  But, I could ride.  So, today I went and rode pretty easy for an hour and a half.  I got in 21.5 miles.  It really felt pretty good.  Toward the end, my leg started getting pretty tired and I could tell the instant I wasn't keeping my legs straight when I was riding.   But, I was really proud of myself when I was finished.

In the past, anytime I attempted to really get into getting healthy, if I would get injured, that would be my downfall.  I REFUSE to let that happen this time.  I will work toward finishing the last of those 500 miles and then I will let it rest and go on with my journey.  I WILL NOT QUIT!  I WILL NOT FAIL.  I can do all things through HIM who strengthens me.

Blessings!

Dinner Choices

Man, it has been a week.  And I know that it is only going to get crazier with Holy Week coming up, but it will all be worth it.  Holy week is such an awesome experience and I love that I get to be a part of it through singing in the choir.  Anyway, I have been continuing to work hard and then work harder.  I knocked out a lot of Miles for Eli this week and only have 55 to go to the finish line.  The guy in fourth place is right on my tail though, so I am going to have to step it up!  I'm hoping to be done by Easter.  I should be finished several days prior to that though!  

I did have a pretty awesome success this week...I am up to benching 105 pounds!  And I got all 12 reps at that weight AFTER doing 12 reps at 85 and 12 reps at 100!  That seriously felt incredible!!!  I love that I am feeling myself get stronger.  I was able to increase the weight on about half of my upper body lifting.

Right now, I want to talk about food.  I try not to talk about calories and such too much on here because I completely know how easy it is to become obsessed with counting calories and all of the zillion different things women are told about how many calories we should be eating and blah, blah, blah.  I have discussed this thoroughly with several different trainers and everyone is different.  Everyone has different caloric needs.  Now, remember, I am so NOT a trainer or a dietitian, anything I put on the blog here is information I have gathered from others (I will try to give credit where credit is due!) or just information that I have learned about myself through this journey.  I HIGHLY suggest talking with someone who knows what they are talking about before starting this kind of journey yourself!!  I use the Lose It App on my phone to help me keep track of what I am eating.  As of today according to the App, I should be eating 1739 calories per day.  That is a base number.  When I first started this journey, I was told I should eat close to 1900.  In the beginning, I had a really difficult time getting all of those calories.  I have spent so many years thinking I need to eat less to lose weight.  I know you all have heard the whole, "women should only eat 1200 calories each day".  Well, that may work for some people, but it wasn't going to work for me.  Discussions with one of the trainers at the gym taught me that I HAVE to eat AT LEAST 1600 calories each day MINIMUM and closer to 1800 would be even better!!  It has been really difficult to wrap my brain around that, but I am trying.  Exercise does give me more calories to eat if I need them, but I don't eat them too often.  Sometimes though (like yesterday), I get hungry, or I REALLY want an extra bowl of yummy soup, so I dig in to those extra calories.  But, the biggest lesson anyone starting a journey like this needs to know is that you can't starve yourself.  Your body will eventually go into starvation mode and you will NOT lose weight.  You won't build muscle.  You will NOT hit your goals.  Get what I'm saying?  Eat people!

That said, I was looking at some items on the Lose It App this afternoon and about DIED when I saw the calorie count for some things.  E said we could get Applebee's for dinner tonight.  So, I looked at how many calories I have eaten today and what I had left to eat to try and make my decision.  I LOVE to order from Applebee's because of their Under 550 calorie menu.  A lot of times the food on those types of menus are not very good.  But, I think the things on Applebee's tastes really good as well as being good for you.  Anyway, I was looking at the calorie count for some of the things I USED to eat.  Check this out!

Quesadilla Burger-I LOVE these but at 1400 calories, it is a no go, especially after I add the mayo I love on to it!

Riblet and Chicken Tender Platter (with fries and coleslaw)-1880.  Yeesh!

Appetizer Sampler-and YES, I would order and eat the entire thing myself, weighs in at 2340 calories.  Dude, that is more that I should eat all day and I would eat that in one sitting!  No wonder I gained weight!!

I'm not at all saying you should never splurge, because you absolutely should.  But, for me to have something like this again, it is going to take a LOT of understanding what I am eating up front and a lot of work in the gym BEFORE I even think about ordering one of these items.

My new favorites though have become:

Lemon Parmesean Shrimp

Signature Sirloin with Garlic Herb Shrimp and sides

Zesty Roma Chicken with Shrimp and sides

Each of these is under 500 calories and really they taste so good that I don't feel like I'm missing anything by ordering a healthier choice.  I think that is key in all of this.  You need to find foods that are a healthier choice, but do not make you feel like you are sacrificing taste.  I still LOVE Taco Bell (no comments please about that dangers of Fast Food...at least I am not eating McDonald's!).  Sometimes I splurge and get my favorite Grilled Chicken Burrito.  Sometimes I just get something from the Fresco menu (no cheese, but has pico de gallo instead).  You can find healthier choices just about anywhere, you just have to be willing to try them.  I promise, you just might surprise yourself!

So, for dinner tonight, I think I'm going with the Sirloin and Garlic Herb Shrimp.  What are you having?

Blessings!

PS...no, I get nothing from Applebee's or Taco Bell for any endorsements I gave today, however, if they would like to give me something, I'm good with that. :)

The One In Which I Take A Good Hard Look In The Mirror

Yesterday I posted a picture on my Facebook wall that said,

"Fitness is not about being better than someone else...it's about being better than you used to be."

With it, I posted this:

"I have to remember this every single time a skinny little girl hops on the treadmill next to me and starts running like it is nothing. It is about being the better me!"

On the surface, this seems like a simple message of inspiration, something to keep me going when I find myself comparing my journey with someone else's.  Unfortunately, what I posted was WRONG! Do you see where the problem lies?

It was very politely and correctly brought to my attention by a friend that "skinny little girls" are fighting their own battles.  This friend, who shall remain anonymous sent me this,
"I saw your post...speaking from experience the skinny is not fun!!!!  The battle to stay healthy and try and gain weight is a constant battle.  I stopped going to the gym because the perception was I must have some eating disorder or I obsessively work out."  It was like a HUGE hit over the head.  Me calling a thin woman a "Skinny little girl" is no different than her calling me a "big fat girl".  Wow.  Really, just wow.  Talk about a rude awakening.

Every single day I have to remind myself that I am worth every single thing I am doing.  I am worthy of the changes I am making.  My journey is my journey and my journey alone.  But you know what?  EVERY ONE IS ON THEIR OWN JOURNEY!  Every single person on this planet has their own issues, their own things that they dislike about themselves.  Every single person has that little voice inside them telling them that they are not good enough, strong enough, skinny enough, too skinny, smart enough, too silly, pretty enough, and pretty much every single negative adjective you can come up with.  I apologize upfront for the word usage here, but you know what?  That little voice is a bitch.  That's right, I said it.  

That little voice tries to keep me from accomplishing the things that I know I was meant to accomplish.  That little voice tells that "skinny little girl" on the treadmill next to the "big fat girl" that neither one of them is good enough to be doing what she is doing.  That voice is straight up, completely, 100% WRONG!  We are all allowed to feel as if we are able to accomplish the things in life we want to accomplish.  Psalm 139:13-14 tell us, "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."  And then from Jeremiah 29:11, " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."  I don't know how you feel about that, but it gives me hope.  I know that that little voice I hear in my head is NOT from the Lord.  God wants me to have hope.  He made me to have hope.  He made me with a future in mind and that little voice telling me I can't do something goes against that future.  That means that voice is NOT HIS!!

So, whether you are a "skinny little girl", a "big fat girl", a "wimpy dude", an "overweight man", or someone in unbelievably amazing shape that seems to have no worries in the world; we need to band together and STOP this crazy comparison game.  We all have our own battles, our own struggles, our own sorrows, and more importantly our own amazing joys.  Let's join together and celebrate those amazing joys.  Judging someone based on the size of his or her clothes, the poundage of the dumbbell he or she is lifting, or even the size of his or her brain or wallet is ridiculous.  It gets us NO WHERE!  It does NOT make you any better, it does NOT increase or decrease your struggle, it will NOT make you FEEL better about yourself in the long run.  What it will do is make that little voice even louder.  I don't know about you, but my little voice is loud enough.  I will do whatever I need to do to make it shut up.  That includes not judging my fellow man or woman in any way.

I know it isn't a perfect science and I'm sure that judgement will creep in when I least expect it.  But, I WILL be conscience of it and I will work very hard to keep it at bay.  My mind will work toward being a judgement free zone.  Feel free to join me.

Blessings.

PS...I have since removed the original picture, so you won't find it there.

Epiphany!

Today is 8 weeks into my new life.  I woke up and weighed in because that is what I do on Monday mornings.  I took a deep breath and stepped on the scale and waited for about 10 seconds while the scale made its decision.  My heart fell as I saw that I have gained a pound this week.  Just for a moment, I had the thought that what I was doing was pointless.  All of the hard work I have put in the past 8 weeks have been for naught.  I started to spiral.

Then I stepped off of the scale and came to my senses. I know that NOTHING I did last week would result in a 1 pound fat gain.  NOTHING.  That pound is from something else. Am I really going to let ONE FREAKING POUND derail everything I have worked for and will continue to work for?  HELL NO!  I got dressed and went and had a healthy breakfast.  I went about my morning singing a funeral and then went to the gym.  I got on the elliptical machine just like I usually do on Mondays.  Because I planned on running on the treadmill, I didn't plan on being on the elliptical machine for too long.  I set the machine for 15 minutes and kept going.  I have been working toward keeping going on the elliptical, but so far I have been stopping every 5 minutes and taking a breather.  Today, I went the whole 15 minutes!  I know that may not sound like a big deal to some, but it was not an easy 15 minutes and I didn't go slow the whole time.  I bumped it up, increased my resistance level, and even did about half of that 15 minutes with no hands.  I worked hard.  Then I jumped on the treadmill and added 5 minutes of running into my walk.  I do not enjoy running, but I am going to stick with it.  Why?  Because I can, that's why.

So, one pound.  I reminded myself that muscle weighs more than fat.  I have been lifting 4 days each week.  Muscles get bigger.  Bigger muscles weigh more.  Geesh.  Do the math Theresa.  Get over yourself and be proud of how hard you are working.  So that is what I did.  Today, I am proud.  Today, I am strong.  Today, I am a machine.  Today, I'm taking my third spinning class.  Lord help me!

Lastly today, I decided that I am no longer going to be posting my weight-loss.  At least not until I hit my goal.  I'm trying to focus less on the number on that scale and more on the changes in my body.  So, I will keep showing you pics and talking about my progress, but the number does not matter as much.

Blessings!

Marking One Off!

Today, I get to mark off one of my goals!!!!  Today I rowed 500 meters in under 2 minutes, 1:59 to be exact.  I am so excited!!  Woo Hoo!!!  I got to write my name up on wall in the #2 slot.  So, now I add another goal to my list.  Anyone guess what it is?  Yep, I am going to be #1 on that wall.  I made it under 2 minutes.  Now I need to get under 1 minute 43 seconds.  That is going to take some work.  But, I KNOW that I can do it.  I still had to take 2 small breathers during the 2 minute race today, so I'm thinking if I can push through those 2 minutes with no stop, I can DO IT!!!  So, 1:42.  Let's Do It!

The past week has been pretty interesting.  I have learned things, things that will help keep me motivated.  Some of these I posted on Facebook, so if you read those and are reading this, I apologize for the repeat.  But, I'm writing them anyway.

1) I have a very sweet friend who I adore.  She is kind and helpful and always has a beautiful smile for most everyone she meets.  It is a good thing I love her so much, because if I didn't, it would be easy to hate her (well, not really, hate is bad, but you know what I mean!).  She is in amazing shape, she is a personal trainer, she is absolutely beautiful.  Luckily she is even more beautiful on the inside.  I totally put her on a pedestal and I'm aware of that (so is she actually!), but she is an amazing example of how overall health is such a benefit in your life.  Anyway, I was talking with her yesterday and as we were discussing my progress and goals, she said to me, "You do know where you are going to end up, right?  CrossFit!".  I smiled and laughed because I haven't told ANYONE other than E this, but ultimately, doing CrossFit is where I would like to end up.  I LOVE how strong the women who do CrossFit look and are.  So, when my fitness inspiration says she can see me doing it, my motivation to prove her right about soared!!!

2) I can do anything.  I may have to stop to take a breath, but as long as I keep going, I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.  Anything.

3) The second time you take a Spinning class, your rear end will not hurt quite as badly, but it will still hurt.

4) The sled on the Leg press at the gym weighs 105 pounds by itself.  When you place 130 pounds on it and do 2 sets of 12, do not be surprised if the last couple are extremely difficult.  Do you know why?  Because thinking you are doing 130 pounds when you are actually doing 235 pounds makes a very large difference!

5)  Taking 27 pounds off of your body will REALLY help in singing.  I was practicing "Someone Worth Dying For" last night at Choir Rehearsal and in the past, I had to really struggle to hit the high D and make it sound good.  Last night, it was easy.  I could hit it and I could hold it.  I can not WAIT to see what I can sound like when I get off 100 pounds!!

6)  I am not a night work out person.  I only had time one night to work out at night.  I didn't get to the gym until 8:45pm.  I was up until 1 or 1:30 in the morning because I was SO wired.  I think that needs to be a rare occurrence for me.  No working out past 7pm.

7)  Thinking that eating less is going to help you lose weight is WRONG!! After much discussion with people that know a lot more about this than me, I have been instructed that I need to eat AT LEAST 1600 calories each day MINIMUM!!  I have added in at least 1 protein shake each day and a scoop of cottage cheese at night to help me reach that minimum.  It has been a difficult transition though.  I wasn't purposely eating a small amount of calories, I just REALLY struggled getting even 1400 each day.  As much as I am working out, that is just NOT enough.  I would just be completely full at the end of the day and have no room for more, but I would know that I had not had enough to eat.  It is a vicious circle.  So, what that means, is I have to be a little more obsessive about what I am eating.  I am hoping this is just a part of the process.  I truly do not want to obsess about every single tiny thing I put in my mouth every single day for the rest of my life.  But, right now, that is just what life is.  So, I will push myself to get 1600 HEALTHY calories each day.

8)  Fluorescent pink shoe strings will make you smile every time you look down.

9)  Rowing means you need gloves.  Blisters hurt and they cause calluses.  Get some gloves.  Where them when you row and when you life upper body.  You will not regret it!

10)  My support system is unbelievable.  My husband, my parents, my In-laws, my friends, and even my children inspire me daily.  I'm not sure I could keep going every day if I didn't have them.  Add them to my Amazing God and my inspiration is supernatural!

Blessings!

You Spin Me Right Round, Baby Right Round

Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch!  I tried something new last night.  I went to my rowing class yesterday at noon, just like normal.  Came home, did a couple of things and decided to get another workout in before Choir practice.  So, I took the kids back to the gym really planning on taking a Zumba class.  I walked into the gym and my sweet friend Sherry very nicely persuaded me to try Spinning.  My friend Erica is the instructor so with her and Sherry's encouragement, I decided to go for it.  They got me all set up and explained how the controls work, what the commands were and just told me to be prepared for a sore rear.  OK.  I was ready to go.  Now, I have been riding the stationary bike 3 times a week, but can I just say I was NOT prepared for this.  Oh My Goodness.  Spinning is NOT easy!  It is not just riding on a bike.  Well, I guess technically it is, but it seemed like so much more than that!  When you are "simply" pedaling, you really have to concentrate on keeping control of your body, especially as your speed climbs.  When you pedal standing up, you really have to pay attention to how your body is moving and to make sure you are shifting your weight back and forth, holding in your core, and not keeping too hard of a grip on the handle bars.  Like my first time in rowing class, I just tried not to die.  I think I did pretty well.  I had to stop one time for just a couple of minutes and walk around to get feeling back in my toes.  But, other than that, I stayed with them.  Now, there were times I maybe couldn't go as fast as everyone else or have as much resistance, but I KEPT GOING. Even when that little voice in my head said, "Hey, you know what? You have done well and no one is going to fault you if you quit a couple of tracks early!".  I told the voice to SHUT UP and kept going.  My legs were screaming, I was trying to keep breathing, my rear and girl parts felt like I was sitting on razor blades.  But, I kept going.  For me, that is a win.  I did NOT let my brain win.  My body didn't want to give up and I didn't want it to.  I Kept Going.

Blessings, Theresa

PS...In case you are wondering, today I HURT.  My muscles are a little sore, but my rear and girl parts HURT.  I feel like I did the day after I pushed out each kid.  I know that may be a little TMI, but I'm real on here.  No apologies.

You Spend Me Right Round-Dead Or Alive

Food Ogre

Nachos dripping with melted cheese.  Cookies with huge chocolate chunks.  A gigantic sundae with all of the fixin's.  A big juicy cheeseburger with a double dose of bacon.

Now that you are drooling, I will tell you that so am I.  In the past 3 hours, I have had a craving for each one of these decadent and calorie busting items.  I am not hungry.  I am craving.  I told myself that I didn't need them.  I tried tricking my brain with something healthy, but sweet.  It isn't helping.  Some part of my brain wants the junk.

Luckily, I don't really have any of this in the house or I probably would have caved about an hour in.  These times are so difficult for me.  I know that I don't need them.  My body doesn't need these things. But that part of my brain thinks it does.  I am struggling today.  It is almost painful.

I'm trying to keep motivated.  I read through my affirmation board on Pinterest (Fearfully and Wonderfully Made).  I prayed that God would take these cravings from me.  I'm writing on here just to keep myself busy and out of the kitchen.  My next thing is to update my planner and then do some serious knitting.  I'm really hoping that I can just outlast the cravings.  Today is my off day from the gym or I would be packing the kids up and heading in.  I am going to try some crunches though just to get moving and maybe shake the dang things off.

I would love to keep everything on my blog positive and upbeat, but real life just isn't like that.  And if nothing else, I always want to be real on here; even if it isn't pretty.  I know this journey I am on will have ups and downs and this is just a down.  But, it is difficult.  It would be so much easier to just give in.  It would be so much easier just to quit.  I know it isn't easier though.  Every single time I have looked in the mirror and cried, I know it isn't easier just to give in.  I will beat this.  Lord, please help me beat this.

Who Took The Cookie From The Cookie Jar?

Everyday is a struggle for me.  It is a struggle between what I want to eat, what I know I should eat, and what I allow myself to put in my mouth.  I know that I am NOT alone in this.  Food is such a difficult part of losing weight and being healthy for me.  I know I could spend 20 hours a day in the gym sweating through every piece of clothing I own, but if I don't change my eating habits, it is all for naught.  I am just not one of those very lucky people who can work out just a little bit and go home and eat an entire plate of biscuits and gravy.  I wish I were.

This morning was my local MOPS meeting.  I absolutely love this group and these ladies.  They are all so good for my soul!  One of the best parts of MOPS is the HOT breakfast that you get to eat without short people clinging on your arms demanding you get them ketchup, or a drink, or crying that they don't like spaghetti anymore even though they are the ones that requested it. (Can you tell what has been happening at my house lately!?) My problem with MOPS breakfast is that while it is awesome and yummy and something I normally would LOVE to eat, when watching my calories, it is not always the best decision.  Before I go on, please let me state that a lot of careful planning goes into those breakfasts.  My sweet friend is the one in charge of it and she does an incredible job, so this is NOT a complaint about her or the breakfasts.  It actually isn't a complaint at ALL, it is just a struggle that I had this morning.  So, my friend Jen, if you read this, please know that you are awesome and I so appreciate all of the hard work you put into those MOPS breakfasts and I know I am not alone in that!  All that said, I knew that it would probably be a good idea to go ahead and eat something before I went this morning so I wouldn't stress about whether or not I should eat something.  So, that is what I did and it was a great plan and I succeeded in not eating any of the amazing looking and smelling food.  I wasn't hungry, so I didn't eat it.  I didn't even try any of it.  My downfall came when I was asked if I wanted to take some of the leftovers home.  I said yes, thinking the kids could have it for breakfast in the morning (or for dinner tonight if I don't make anything else!).  What I didn't prepare myself for was the fact that I was bringing cookies into my house.  Yes, cookies.  Not smart Theresa.

I left MOPS and went to the gym.  Didn't even think about those cookies.  Came home and ate lunch.  Still, didn't think about those cookies.  M asked for a snack.  I thought about the cookies.  I then thought more about the cookies.  Before I knew it, I was opening up the Ziplock bag and taking out a cookie.  I almost put it in my mouth without even consciously acknowledging what I was doing. That is how simple it is for me to fall off track.  All it took was one cookie eaten without acknowledging that it was being eaten.  I'm sure someone is saying, "Theresa, it is just a freaking cookie."  I agree, it is just a cookie, an estimated 75 calories (there was no frosting!) that would taste fantastic.  Yes, yes it is.  My problem is not actually with the cookie.  I had the 75 calories that I could eat the cookie and it wouldn't throw off my day.  My problem lies in the fact that I wasn't even paying attention.  My mind thought of the cookie and my body went to go get it.  Without putting thought into what I am eating, I eat without care and I know that one cookie would have easily led to 2 and maybe even three.

Now, I will tell you I DID eat the cookie.  I know that NEVER letting myself "indulge" or enjoying little things every now and then will set me back further than anything.  There was a HUGE change of thought though that occurred in my brain though in the course of about 60 seconds as I sat there with my hand in that cookie bag.  As I looked at what I was doing, I pulled my hand out of the bag.  I took a deep breath.  I asked myself, "do you really need this cookie or would a piece of fruit be better? Is this the best idea?"  I took another deep breath.  Then, I said to myself, "Yes, a piece of fruit would be better.  However I really would like to have a cookie.  I have had no sweets today and I have the calories.  I am going to willingly eat ONE cookie, enjoy it, then walk away."  So, I ate the cookie.  I ate it slowly and savored each bite.  It was a really good one too, with the edges a little darker and crispier than the center.  I consciously ate the cookie.  I was fully aware of what I was doing and what I was putting in my mouth.  I do not regret it.  When I was finished, I was finished, and did not need another one.  That is a win for me.  And yes, that was truly the conversation I had with myself in my kitchen!

I'm sure someone reading this is thinking I am making a really big deal about a cookie.  But, that person may not have the issue I have with food.  Or if they do, they do not realize it.  In my journey, I am really trying to focus on where my troubles lie.  Food is a big trouble for me.  I would like to think that there will come a time in my life when I do not have to contemplate every single thing I eat, but right now I do.  I have to weigh the consequences of each and every bite.  Am I eating because I am truly hungry or am I bored?  Am I hungry or thirsty?  I am craving sweets, do I have to have a sweet or will some fruit cover it? Am I PMSing or just emotional? Am I using food as a control in my life when everything else is chaotic?  I am an emotional eater.  I easily use food as a reward for different things I accomplish in my life.  I am really trying to break that cycle.  So, in that way, it really was a big deal about a cookie.

Are there things that you do without acknowledging them?  Is it eating?  Is it something else?  Does it affect you in a negative way?  Everything is done with intention, is it with good intentions or not so good intentions?  Tomorrow I challenge you to truly acknowledge everything you do.  If you can't do it for a whole day, try an hour.  Be conscious of every action.  Be aware of every decision.  How are these things affecting you?  Let me know!

Blessings!