Thursday, February 27, 2014

Marking One Off!

Today, I get to mark off one of my goals!!!!  Today I rowed 500 meters in under 2 minutes, 1:59 to be exact.  I am so excited!!  Woo Hoo!!!  I got to write my name up on wall in the #2 slot.  So, now I add another goal to my list.  Anyone guess what it is?  Yep, I am going to be #1 on that wall.  I made it under 2 minutes.  Now I need to get under 1 minute 43 seconds.  That is going to take some work.  But, I KNOW that I can do it.  I still had to take 2 small breathers during the 2 minute race today, so I'm thinking if I can push through those 2 minutes with no stop, I can DO IT!!!  So, 1:42.  Let's Do It!

The past week has been pretty interesting.  I have learned things, things that will help keep me motivated.  Some of these I posted on Facebook, so if you read those and are reading this, I apologize for the repeat.  But, I'm writing them anyway.

1) I have a very sweet friend who I adore.  She is kind and helpful and always has a beautiful smile for most everyone she meets.  It is a good thing I love her so much, because if I didn't, it would be easy to hate her (well, not really, hate is bad, but you know what I mean!).  She is in amazing shape, she is a personal trainer, she is absolutely beautiful.  Luckily she is even more beautiful on the inside.  I totally put her on a pedestal and I'm aware of that (so is she actually!), but she is an amazing example of how overall health is such a benefit in your life.  Anyway, I was talking with her yesterday and as we were discussing my progress and goals, she said to me, "You do know where you are going to end up, right?  CrossFit!".  I smiled and laughed because I haven't told ANYONE other than E this, but ultimately, doing CrossFit is where I would like to end up.  I LOVE how strong the women who do CrossFit look and are.  So, when my fitness inspiration says she can see me doing it, my motivation to prove her right about soared!!!

2) I can do anything.  I may have to stop to take a breath, but as long as I keep going, I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.  Anything.

3) The second time you take a Spinning class, your rear end will not hurt quite as badly, but it will still hurt.

4) The sled on the Leg press at the gym weighs 105 pounds by itself.  When you place 130 pounds on it and do 2 sets of 12, do not be surprised if the last couple are extremely difficult.  Do you know why?  Because thinking you are doing 130 pounds when you are actually doing 235 pounds makes a very large difference!

5)  Taking 27 pounds off of your body will REALLY help in singing.  I was practicing "Someone Worth Dying For" last night at Choir Rehearsal and in the past, I had to really struggle to hit the high D and make it sound good.  Last night, it was easy.  I could hit it and I could hold it.  I can not WAIT to see what I can sound like when I get off 100 pounds!!

6)  I am not a night work out person.  I only had time one night to work out at night.  I didn't get to the gym until 8:45pm.  I was up until 1 or 1:30 in the morning because I was SO wired.  I think that needs to be a rare occurrence for me.  No working out past 7pm.

7)  Thinking that eating less is going to help you lose weight is WRONG!! After much discussion with people that know a lot more about this than me, I have been instructed that I need to eat AT LEAST 1600 calories each day MINIMUM!!  I have added in at least 1 protein shake each day and a scoop of cottage cheese at night to help me reach that minimum.  It has been a difficult transition though.  I wasn't purposely eating a small amount of calories, I just REALLY struggled getting even 1400 each day.  As much as I am working out, that is just NOT enough.  I would just be completely full at the end of the day and have no room for more, but I would know that I had not had enough to eat.  It is a vicious circle.  So, what that means, is I have to be a little more obsessive about what I am eating.  I am hoping this is just a part of the process.  I truly do not want to obsess about every single tiny thing I put in my mouth every single day for the rest of my life.  But, right now, that is just what life is.  So, I will push myself to get 1600 HEALTHY calories each day.

8)  Fluorescent pink shoe strings will make you smile every time you look down.

9)  Rowing means you need gloves.  Blisters hurt and they cause calluses.  Get some gloves.  Where them when you row and when you life upper body.  You will not regret it!

10)  My support system is unbelievable.  My husband, my parents, my In-laws, my friends, and even my children inspire me daily.  I'm not sure I could keep going every day if I didn't have them.  Add them to my Amazing God and my inspiration is supernatural!

Blessings!

Thursday, February 20, 2014

You Spin Me Right Round, Baby Right Round

Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch!  I tried something new last night.  I went to my rowing class yesterday at noon, just like normal.  Came home, did a couple of things and decided to get another workout in before Choir practice.  So, I took the kids back to the gym really planning on taking a Zumba class.  I walked into the gym and my sweet friend Sherry very nicely persuaded me to try Spinning.  My friend Erica is the instructor so with her and Sherry's encouragement, I decided to go for it.  They got me all set up and explained how the controls work, what the commands were and just told me to be prepared for a sore rear.  OK.  I was ready to go.  Now, I have been riding the stationary bike 3 times a week, but can I just say I was NOT prepared for this.  Oh My Goodness.  Spinning is NOT easy!  It is not just riding on a bike.  Well, I guess technically it is, but it seemed like so much more than that!  When you are "simply" pedaling, you really have to concentrate on keeping control of your body, especially as your speed climbs.  When you pedal standing up, you really have to pay attention to how your body is moving and to make sure you are shifting your weight back and forth, holding in your core, and not keeping too hard of a grip on the handle bars.  Like my first time in rowing class, I just tried not to die.  I think I did pretty well.  I had to stop one time for just a couple of minutes and walk around to get feeling back in my toes.  But, other than that, I stayed with them.  Now, there were times I maybe couldn't go as fast as everyone else or have as much resistance, but I KEPT GOING. Even when that little voice in my head said, "Hey, you know what? You have done well and no one is going to fault you if you quit a couple of tracks early!".  I told the voice to SHUT UP and kept going.  My legs were screaming, I was trying to keep breathing, my rear and girl parts felt like I was sitting on razor blades.  But, I kept going.  For me, that is a win.  I did NOT let my brain win.  My body didn't want to give up and I didn't want it to.  I Kept Going.

Blessings, Theresa

PS...In case you are wondering, today I HURT.  My muscles are a little sore, but my rear and girl parts HURT.  I feel like I did the day after I pushed out each kid.  I know that may be a little TMI, but I'm real on here.  No apologies.

You Spend Me Right Round-Dead Or Alive

Monday, February 17, 2014

6 Weeks In!

I have been following my new life plan and goals for 6 weeks. now.  I am very happy to report that I am now down:

22.6 pounds!

A part of me feels really great about that number.  A part of me is really disappointed by that number.  The first part of me has been continually telling the second part of me to shut up!

The part that is disappointed by that number thinks it should be higher.  It knows how much work I am putting in and thinks the weight should just melt off, no matter that it really knows better.  It remembers all of the times I have said "NO" to sweets or treats and just wants to look in the mirror and see a skinny me.

The rational part of me knows that I am doing great!  It knows that although the number might not be huge, the slower it comes off the more likely it is to stay off.  That part knows that I have been making changes and that my body feels better than it has felt in a long time.  It knows that I am making lifetime changes, not just a quick fix.  It knows that 22.6 pounds in 6 weeks is over 3.5 pounds a week (really I'm losing usually about 2.5 per week, but had a really big first week, but I will go with it!)!  That is HUGE!  I made a roast last night that was about 3 pounds.  I have been losing a pot roast every week.  That is nuts!  That is awesome!  That is something I should be proud of!

It is difficult thought to shut that second part of my brain down and just be happy with where I am.  That is one of my goals for the year after all,

Loving myself where I am at, not where I THINK I SHOULD be at this moment.  

So, today I am just going to celebrate my accomplishments.  I am going to look at myself in the mirror and be happy.  I may not be thin, I may not be able to run 10 miles, I may not be a different size than I was 6 weeks ago.  But, I know that I am healthier.  I am getting stronger every single day.  I can do lunges without wanting to grimace in pain.  I can do things this morning that I couldn't do 6 weeks ago.   I am making a difference in my life.  THAT is what matters.  THAT is what I will concentrate on.

Psalms 139:14, "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."

Blessings!

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Food Ogre

Nachos dripping with melted cheese.  Cookies with huge chocolate chunks.  A gigantic sundae with all of the fixin's.  A big juicy cheeseburger with a double dose of bacon.

Now that you are drooling, I will tell you that so am I.  In the past 3 hours, I have had a craving for each one of these decadent and calorie busting items.  I am not hungry.  I am craving.  I told myself that I didn't need them.  I tried tricking my brain with something healthy, but sweet.  It isn't helping.  Some part of my brain wants the junk.

Luckily, I don't really have any of this in the house or I probably would have caved about an hour in.  These times are so difficult for me.  I know that I don't need them.  My body doesn't need these things. But that part of my brain thinks it does.  I am struggling today.  It is almost painful.

I'm trying to keep motivated.  I read through my affirmation board on Pinterest (Fearfully and Wonderfully Made).  I prayed that God would take these cravings from me.  I'm writing on here just to keep myself busy and out of the kitchen.  My next thing is to update my planner and then do some serious knitting.  I'm really hoping that I can just outlast the cravings.  Today is my off day from the gym or I would be packing the kids up and heading in.  I am going to try some crunches though just to get moving and maybe shake the dang things off.

I would love to keep everything on my blog positive and upbeat, but real life just isn't like that.  And if nothing else, I always want to be real on here; even if it isn't pretty.  I know this journey I am on will have ups and downs and this is just a down.  But, it is difficult.  It would be so much easier to just give in.  It would be so much easier just to quit.  I know it isn't easier though.  Every single time I have looked in the mirror and cried, I know it isn't easier just to give in.  I will beat this.  Lord, please help me beat this.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Who Took The Cookie From The Cookie Jar?

Everyday is a struggle for me.  It is a struggle between what I want to eat, what I know I should eat, and what I allow myself to put in my mouth.  I know that I am NOT alone in this.  Food is such a difficult part of losing weight and being healthy for me.  I know I could spend 20 hours a day in the gym sweating through every piece of clothing I own, but if I don't change my eating habits, it is all for naught.  I am just not one of those very lucky people who can work out just a little bit and go home and eat an entire plate of biscuits and gravy.  I wish I were.

This morning was my local MOPS meeting.  I absolutely love this group and these ladies.  They are all so good for my soul!  One of the best parts of MOPS is the HOT breakfast that you get to eat without short people clinging on your arms demanding you get them ketchup, or a drink, or crying that they don't like spaghetti anymore even though they are the ones that requested it. (Can you tell what has been happening at my house lately!?) My problem with MOPS breakfast is that while it is awesome and yummy and something I normally would LOVE to eat, when watching my calories, it is not always the best decision.  Before I go on, please let me state that a lot of careful planning goes into those breakfasts.  My sweet friend is the one in charge of it and she does an incredible job, so this is NOT a complaint about her or the breakfasts.  It actually isn't a complaint at ALL, it is just a struggle that I had this morning.  So, my friend Jen, if you read this, please know that you are awesome and I so appreciate all of the hard work you put into those MOPS breakfasts and I know I am not alone in that!  All that said, I knew that it would probably be a good idea to go ahead and eat something before I went this morning so I wouldn't stress about whether or not I should eat something.  So, that is what I did and it was a great plan and I succeeded in not eating any of the amazing looking and smelling food.  I wasn't hungry, so I didn't eat it.  I didn't even try any of it.  My downfall came when I was asked if I wanted to take some of the leftovers home.  I said yes, thinking the kids could have it for breakfast in the morning (or for dinner tonight if I don't make anything else!).  What I didn't prepare myself for was the fact that I was bringing cookies into my house.  Yes, cookies.  Not smart Theresa.

I left MOPS and went to the gym.  Didn't even think about those cookies.  Came home and ate lunch.  Still, didn't think about those cookies.  M asked for a snack.  I thought about the cookies.  I then thought more about the cookies.  Before I knew it, I was opening up the Ziplock bag and taking out a cookie.  I almost put it in my mouth without even consciously acknowledging what I was doing. That is how simple it is for me to fall off track.  All it took was one cookie eaten without acknowledging that it was being eaten.  I'm sure someone is saying, "Theresa, it is just a freaking cookie."  I agree, it is just a cookie, an estimated 75 calories (there was no frosting!) that would taste fantastic.  Yes, yes it is.  My problem is not actually with the cookie.  I had the 75 calories that I could eat the cookie and it wouldn't throw off my day.  My problem lies in the fact that I wasn't even paying attention.  My mind thought of the cookie and my body went to go get it.  Without putting thought into what I am eating, I eat without care and I know that one cookie would have easily led to 2 and maybe even three.

Now, I will tell you I DID eat the cookie.  I know that NEVER letting myself "indulge" or enjoying little things every now and then will set me back further than anything.  There was a HUGE change of thought though that occurred in my brain though in the course of about 60 seconds as I sat there with my hand in that cookie bag.  As I looked at what I was doing, I pulled my hand out of the bag.  I took a deep breath.  I asked myself, "do you really need this cookie or would a piece of fruit be better? Is this the best idea?"  I took another deep breath.  Then, I said to myself, "Yes, a piece of fruit would be better.  However I really would like to have a cookie.  I have had no sweets today and I have the calories.  I am going to willingly eat ONE cookie, enjoy it, then walk away."  So, I ate the cookie.  I ate it slowly and savored each bite.  It was a really good one too, with the edges a little darker and crispier than the center.  I consciously ate the cookie.  I was fully aware of what I was doing and what I was putting in my mouth.  I do not regret it.  When I was finished, I was finished, and did not need another one.  That is a win for me.  And yes, that was truly the conversation I had with myself in my kitchen!

I'm sure someone reading this is thinking I am making a really big deal about a cookie.  But, that person may not have the issue I have with food.  Or if they do, they do not realize it.  In my journey, I am really trying to focus on where my troubles lie.  Food is a big trouble for me.  I would like to think that there will come a time in my life when I do not have to contemplate every single thing I eat, but right now I do.  I have to weigh the consequences of each and every bite.  Am I eating because I am truly hungry or am I bored?  Am I hungry or thirsty?  I am craving sweets, do I have to have a sweet or will some fruit cover it? Am I PMSing or just emotional? Am I using food as a control in my life when everything else is chaotic?  I am an emotional eater.  I easily use food as a reward for different things I accomplish in my life.  I am really trying to break that cycle.  So, in that way, it really was a big deal about a cookie.

Are there things that you do without acknowledging them?  Is it eating?  Is it something else?  Does it affect you in a negative way?  Everything is done with intention, is it with good intentions or not so good intentions?  Tomorrow I challenge you to truly acknowledge everything you do.  If you can't do it for a whole day, try an hour.  Be conscious of every action.  Be aware of every decision.  How are these things affecting you?  Let me know!

Blessings!

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

No Air

Oh Ugh.  I knew it was inevitable.  I could feel it starting.  I woke up yesterday with a runny nose.  I told myself, "NO.  You are not getting sick!"  Apparently, I did NOT listen to myself.  I started feeling pretty bad yesterday afternoon and it has only gotten worse.  I barely slept last night because I couldn't breathe.  I woke up this morning and FORCED myself to go to the gym.  The husband said I probably should take the day off, but I know the chance is pretty good I won't be able to get to the gym tomorrow (we are expecting some major snow if you aren't aware!).  So, I went and I pushed myself.  Then I sat in the super hot sauna trying to sweat the yucks out.  I'm not really sure if it worked as I don't feel any better, but it was worth a shot.

I learned 2 very important lessons this morning though.  The first is that even on days I think I can't do it, I can.  I can always push through and do at least one more rep or add one more pound.  Unless I am on death's door, I can at least always get on the bike and pedal or do some jumping jacks or just DO SOMETHING!

The second lesson is that I need to make sure I remain humble.  This morning, I posted this picture on Facebook showing my weight-loss journey.



I received many compliments and "likes".  It made me feel great and made me want to stay motivated.  But, I need to remember WHY I am doing this.  I am doing this so I can be a better wife, mother, and Theresa.  I want to be the woman God made me to be.  My lesson learned is to be so thankful for the compliments and encouragement anyone gives me but also to remember WHY I am doing this and for whom!

Changes.  Each lesson learned is a change and that is why I am doing it!
Blessings,
Theresa


Monday, February 3, 2014

4 Weeks

4 Weeks.  4 weeks can seem like a lifetime.  4 weeks can fly.  4 weeks can creep.  4 weeks can change a life.  4 weeks can change MY life.

4 weeks ago, I made myself a commitment.  I promised myself that I was going to change and that my life would be better.  Don't get me wrong, my life is pretty freaking awesome.  I love my life.  But as you know from previous posts, I do not like who I see when I look at myself in the mirror.  And not liking what I see sometimes makes me think my life isn't as awesome as I KNOW it is.

For 4 weeks, I have committed myself to working hard, eating healthy, speaking positive words to myself, reminding myself that my children, my husband, and my God love me just the way I am.  I have committed to drinking a crazy amount of water each day, eating as balanced of a diet as I can, and reminding my children the importance of being HEALTHY and NOT skinny.

For 4 weeks, I have made myself go to the gym, trudge through the ice and sludge covered parking lot, bundled up to guard against the insanely bitter cold.  I have shivered all the way back to the van after being covered in sweat.

For 4 weeks, I have grimaced and groaned every time I get up out of bed or out of a chair.  My muscles are sore and my joints are creaky.  My knees are swollen and crackle with every movement.

For 4 weeks, I have stepped on the scale praying the number is smaller and then reminding myself that number is of very little importance.

For 4 weeks, I have looked in the mirror and made myself see the things I like about myself.  I love my height.  I have great hair.  My eyes are pretty with long eye lashes.  I can rock a pair of heels even at 6 foot tall.  I am strong.  Everyone of scars and stretchmarks are a part of my story.

For 4 weeks, I have been making an effort to truly love myself where I am.  Loving myself only when I get to where I want to be is pointless.  Loving myself where I am right now will get me to where I want to be!

In 4 weeks, I have lost 17.2 pounds that I will NEVER see again.  I feel better than I have felt for a couple of years.  I am feeling more confident.  Confident enough, in fact, to purchase (and wear!) 2 pairs of tight spandex workout pants.  That is something I would have NEVER figured I would feel comfortable wearing.  I'm not sure I am completely comfortable in them yet, but I wore them today to the gym.  I wore them and did NOT let myself worry about how I looked, how much cellulite was showing, or what the person next to me on the treadmill thought about them.  I just wore them.

4 weeks.  I am becoming the person I want to be.  4 weeks.  What will you do in 4 weeks?  What will I do in the next 4 weeks?  I don't know, but I can't wait to find out!