20 Weeks!

In 20 weeks, my life has changed.  It is utterly amazing to me how every single aspect of my life has improved since January.  Don't get me wrong, I still have crappy days just like everyone else.  There are still days when I just want to dig into the chocolate and peanut butter (sometimes I even give in to that craving!).  But, when I look at my life and all of the amazing things God has blessed me with, I can't help but shake my head in wonder.  In January, I prayed.  I prayed that He would help me find a way to make myself healthier, happier, a better mom, a better wife, and a better friend.  I prayed that if He wanted me to move in this direction that He would provide the path.  And has He ever.

In 20 weeks, I have lost over 50 pounds, but I have GAINED oh so much more.  I have seen my body do things I had no idea it would ever do again.  I have lifted pounds that I haven't been able to do since I was a senior in High School.  I have found a love for spinning and rowing and even the elliptical machine.  Running around with my kids kicking a soccer ball no longer makes me feel like I am going to keel over dead.  Watching my body in the mirror has started to make me smile a little bit instead of feeling like I should be ashamed of what it looks like.  I have realized that there are some parts of my body that will never change even after I hit my goals, those stretch marks are here to stay.  And you know what?  That is okay, because each one of those marks is a reminder of the three beautiful children I was blessed to bring in to this world.

I have learned so much about food, it is almost ridiculous.  In the past, I have tried diets like the South Beach Diet and Weight Watchers.  Yes, I lost weight.  No, I was never able to keep it up.  Restricting my foods just does not work for me.  I LOVE to eat.  And I LOVE food.  Always have, always will.  I am a meat and potatoes kind of girl, not a salad chick.  What I have found is that telling myself I CAN'T have something only makes me want it more.  So, I quit telling myself that.  I quit dieting and instead found a way of life.  I still eat cookies.  I still eat steaks.  Heck, last night I had cheese ravioli with alfredo sauce from Puccini's.  What I have changed is HOW I eat.  I no longer need to smother my ravioli in the alfredo sauce.  I can have it on the side and just have a small amount.  If I DO have a salad, it does NOT need to be drenched in dressing.  I can even have REAL dressing if I want and just not drown my salad in it.  These are things anyone wanting to lose weight hears just about all the time.  But, until you really understand how it affects YOU, it is not going to click.  For me, it finally clicked.  The ONLY thing that I no longer consume is soda.  I really paid attention to how it was making me feel and figured out that it was something I really needed to get rid of in my life.  I am glad that I did.  Sometimes does it suck to choose yogurt over pie?  Yes, of course it does.  But, sometimes, that choice must be made.  Sometimes it is OK to have the pie, but it is NOT OK to choose pie every time.

The funny thing in all this is that once you start getting healthier and feeling better about yourself, so many other things in life seem so much better.  My relationship with my husband is stronger than it has ever been.  We are in this life together and we are making it the best it can be.  My relationship with my children is awesome because I have the energy to spend the time with them that I need to and that THEY need me to.  Yes, I still get frustrated with them.  Yes, they still get yelled at.  I'm human.  But, I can tolerate the little things so much better now.  Most stress I feel gets beat out of me at the gym.  When you aren't getting upset at the short people in your house, you find that they really are a LOT of fun!

I hope that I have become a better friend too.  I try really hard not to make every single conversation anyone has with me about my journey.  Sometimes, it is inevitable, especially when someone else brings it up.  But, I feel like since I feel better about myself, I can listen better to others.  Does that make sense?  I hope this is true anyway, because I have the most amazing friends and I want to be as good to them as they are to me!

My biggest and most favorite growth though has been in my relationship with Christ.  He has pushed me and challenged me in ways I would have never imagined.  When He started me on this path, I was terrified.  I was scared I would fail and let myself down.  Or even worse I would let everyone else including Him down.  What I didn't realize is this: "If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it."  So very true.  By inviting Him fully into my meals, my workouts, my conversations, my life I have found so much more purpose and strength.  He is with me through every single step, push up, and bicep curl.  He pushes me, He encourages me, He celebrates me.  He is just awesome.

So, bottom line, what have I learned in 20 weeks?  Here is my top 10 list:

10. When you lose weight and commit to being healthy, people will ask you a lot of questions and assume you are an expert.  It is OK to give you opinion and share what you have learned.  But, remember you are NOT a trainer or a doctor.  It is okay to remind them of that.

9. Sometimes your body does need rest.  You are NOT weak if you take this rest.  Just don't let the rest last TOO long.

8. Occasionally you need a treat.  Swiss Cake Rolls are pretty good at fulfilling that.

7. Don't be afraid to brag about your successes, it is an awesome feeling when the world (and by world I mean friends and Facebook) celebrates with you.

6. When someone compliments you, say "thank you".  Anything else is unnecessary and either demeaning to you or them.  (Totally still working on this one!!)

5. Diet is a bad word, don't use it.  For that matter, so is skinny and fat.  Let them go.

4.  In the weight room, men are actually much more encouraging to women than you think they would be.  Don't be afraid of them.  Sure, you will have the occasional one who looks at you either with annoyance or to check you out, but most just think it is cool to see a girl not afraid to lift.  It is OK to be strong!

3.  Don't be afraid to try a new class or exercise.  Your butt, arms, legs, and every single muscle might hurt like crazy the next day and sitting down to go to the bathroom will be all but impossible.  But, I promise, the second time you do it, you will be AWESOME!

2. I am absolutely worth this.  So is my family and so are my friends.  We all deserve the best me that I can be.

1.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13, NIV

I do want to say thank you to everyone who has been following me on this journey so far.  Thanks for keeping me honest and encouraged.  Thanks for reading, thanks for praying.  Thanks for the good thoughts, and the occasional kick in the butt.  Thank you.  I still have a long way to go.  This is not a perfect journey, but it is my journey.  And I am beyond proud and excited to be making it.

To finish, here are some pics of my journey so far!

New Year's Eve, 2013 (It isn't a great pic, but it is the only one I could find with a full body shot.  Obviously, I was less than thrilled to have my picture taken and have sort of shielded my body with L's.)

4 Weeks In!

8 Weeks In!

12 Weeks!

16 Weeks!

20 Weeks!!

FAITH. COURAGE. STRENGTH. CHANGE.

We Have GOT To Stop!

Ladies (And Men!) I have noticed something lately.  This is something that I know I am guilty of doing, but it is something that we all HAVE to stop doing.

FAT. CHUBBY. THICK. BIG. CHUNKY. PUDGY. LARGE.

How many times each day do you call yourself one of these words or something similar?  Or what about one of these?

STUPID. UGLY. DUMB. DITZY. FOOLISH. HIDEOUS. HORRIBLE.

I have really been listening the past couple of weeks and these are all words that I have heard at least one woman call herself out loud.  This makes me so sad.  We call ourselves words that we wouldn't even begin to think about calling someone else.  We insult ourselves so easily.  We don't even think twice about using these retched words to describe our bodies and our minds.

I found this image on Google.  I don't know how to "reference" it,

so please give me grace for not giving credit to whoever originally did it.

I have been running this line from the movie "Mean Girls" through my head all day because it is so true.  When we so easily insult ourselves, we give permission for other people to insult us.  I like to read stories that pop up on Facebook about people that have worked really hard to lose weight or make themselves healthier.  It gives me hope.  What gets me though is that there is always at least one person (commonly referred to as a "troll" in internet land) who feels the need to put down this person who has worked so hard.  When I see those negative posts, I get pretty upset.  Then I often will go back and read the original "success" story and so many times I will find a point in the story that the person refers to herself as "fat" or "chubby" or some other word like that.  By using that type of language to describe herself, she just gives permission to the "troll" to use that type of language.  By showing even just a small amount of extra confidence (and it does take confidence to NOT use those words, have no doubt about it) and choosing NOT to call ourselves these types of negative words, we take back control.  And by taking back that control, it becomes much less acceptable for others to call us these types of negative words.

Do you know what is also cool about NOT describing yourself as "fat" or "stupid" of "ugly"?  If you stop calling yourself that out loud, then your brain will start getting with the program and it MIGHT just stop thinking these things!  The biggest part of my journey has been learning that these words are just unacceptable.  They are unacceptable for me to say to others and even more unacceptable for me to say to myself.  I am more than these words.  You are more than these words.  We have to believe this.  We are worth it.  God made us the way we are.  He loves us.  Our friends and family love us.  Love yourself.  Believe in yourself.  Quit calling yourself names!!

Faith. Courage. Strength. Change.

Blessings!

To Try Or Not To Try

I have come up with a dilemma.  It is really only a dilemma because I make it one.  Other people may not stress about these kind of things, but I do.  Before I started on this journey, I took all the clothes out of my closet that I was too big for.  If I couldn't wear it, then it didn't stay in the closet.  For complete honesty sake, I took out about 3 large Rubbermaid tubs full of clothes.  That is a lot of clothes to own and to not be able to get into them.  They have been sitting in the garage and I look at them every day.  There are some nice clothes in there.  I also had a sweet friend give me several large bags of really nice clothes that she thought would be good transition clothes for me.  All those clothes are waiting on me to wear them.

There in lies the dilemma.  A lot of my clothes are too big.  After losing almost 50 pounds, this is expected.  It is a good problem to have, I realize this.  The dilemma is that I am scared to death to try on any of those clothes.  What if they still don't fit?  What if I am still too big for them?  Am I going to do more harm to my mental state if I try them on and they don't fit than if I sit here and stress about it?  Is it really too big of a deal if a lot of those items don't fit?  Logically I know that it really isn't a big deal.  If they don't fit now, they may fit next month or in 2 months.  I KNOW that.  But, it physically terrifies me to think that I will try them on and they will not fit.  So the clothes sit in their Rubbermaid tubs and wait.  They wait on me to be brave and I'm not sure when that day will come.  It scares me.  What if that day never comes?  What if I am not brave?  What if everything I am doing is not good enough to get me where I want to be?

When I started blogging about my journey, I knew I wanted to be honest in my postings.  When I was having good days, I wanted to tell you about that.  When I was struggling, I wanted to be up front about the difficult times in changing my life.  Making changes is difficult.  Making changes is scary.  Actually, making changes is terrifying.  The physical part of these changes are much easier to make than the mental changes.  The mental changes are sometimes scary enough to make me want to curl up in a ball in the back of my closet filled with the clothes that are too big for me.  Those mental changes I pray daily about.  I know that I can handle the physical stuff and that my brain will quit long before my body will.  I know that.  I know that I can eat healthy and make those changes.  What scares me is that my brain will never catch up and realize that these changes are for good.  Will my brain ever look in the mirror and believe that what it sees is good enough? Will any of it ever be good enough?

For now, know that I am praying about these changes.  I am working towards that better mental state.  I WILL be able to be brave.  Until then, if you see me pulling up my jeans, just know that I am working on it.  Those clothes in the tubs won't remain there forever.  

Faith.  Courage.  Strength.  Change.

Blessings!

New Stuff!! Good Stuff!!!

I know I haven't gotten anything posted this week, and I apologize for that.  I didn't feel much like writing the past couple of days, but that doesn't mean I didn't have ideas swarming around or that I didn't do anything to write about!  We have actually been really busy!

Last Thursday, we started the work on re-doing our kitchen.  I did a lot of cleaning and then started painting.  Oof.  Painting is a lot of work.  I did pretty well until I got to our kitchen cabinets.  For some reason, when we put new cabinets in 10 years ago, we did not put them all the way to the ceiling.  I have NO idea what we were thinking when we made that decision.  So, now, I had a foot of wall I had to paint up at the ceiling.  When you are 6 feet fall and up on a step ladder, your room to work is very minimal.  So, I spent the painting time squeezed into this 1 foot spot.  I got it done, but it wasn't pretty.  I did learn a lot about painting though, so that is a good thing.  I was able to get the kitchen painted and my husband started putting in some built-in type cabinets that we wanted.  Unfortunately, there was a mis-measure and the top cabinets we ordered were 1/2" too tall and 1/2" too wide.  So, we had to order some more, but they should be in in a couple of weeks so we can finish. But, I am LOVING how it is looking; very much worth the hard work we are putting in.

Over the weekend, we had soccer games and mass, and more cleaning to do.  Sunday was Mother's Day, and while I didn't have an exciting day, it was a nice day.  I went to mass and then had to go to the grocery store and run some other errands.  I came home and we cleaned and then my sweet husband grilled the steaks I picked up earlier in the day.  Oh, my man can grill.  The steak was fantastic, rare and warm, and perfect!  So, Mother's Day...yeah, good day.

I know you are probably wondering how the new lifestyle is going, so I will get to that.  Things are going really pretty well.  I have been working hard and have lost a little more weight which is good, but I am starting to feel really strong, which is AWESOME!  My muscles are really starting to come through.  It makes me more motivated to lose the fat so those muscles are just ripped and beautiful.

My workout has taken a bit of shake-up.  My gym had a change in ownership last week, and that means a change in some equipment.  Unfortunately, my lovely rowers are not there any more.  So, I am making do with other options.  Tuesday, I was put through a treadmill workout.  When it was first offered, I thought, "Oh, really how difficult could this be?"  You would think at this point, I should know better.This was a TOUGH workout.  I would normally have rowed this morning too, but thought I would try the treadmill workout again.  I couldn't remember exactly what my instructor had us do, so I made up my own workout based on what I did remember.  I will post it on my workout page if you are interested.  I had sweat just dripping off of me after only 30 minutes.

Have you tried anything new in the gym lately?  Let me know!  I am always looking for ways to shake things up!

Blessings!

Feeling Like a Boss!

What a seriously empowering morning in the gym! 

Took 5 seconds off of my split time and came in at 1 minute, 46 seconds.  I am so happy to break 1:50!  I was pretty much dead after that, but it was totally worth it!

After rowing class, I headed to the weight room to do my upper body workout.  I increased a lot of my weight this morning which is awesome. When I was almost finished, I had the thought that I wanted to see what I could do on the Bench.  I put 135 pounds on and was just going to be happy to do one.  One.  I did 8 reps and could have gone for more, but started to feel it in my shoulder, so I stopped just to avoid injury.  But, 8 reps at 135 pounds!!!  So freaking awesome!  4 more reps at that weight and I will hit my goal.  Oh, I will have that next week! I feel strong and like a boss!!

Faith. Courage. Strength. Change.

A Deep Breath

This past weekend was an incredibly amazing one, but it was a VERY busy one.  Lots of stress, lots of chances for binge eating, and not a lot of chances to get to the gym.  But, we kept on, made it through, and came out stronger on this end.  Our weekend started on Friday night with a great game for my sweet L.  She made a GREAT save as goalie and was so proud of herself.  On Saturday, we started with J's game and she played very well.  We came home and started cleaning out the kids' closets and boy did we clean!  We weeded out 5 garbage bags full of clothes and some toys as well.  Then, onto L's second game.  The girls played so well and I was so proud of L.  Before the game, we had discussed that she could be aggressive and still be a good sport.  During the game, L was playing defense and she hip-checked a girl and knocked the other girl down.  I'm sure someone will think that I shouldn't be so proud of her for knocking down a girl, but for my sweet, sweet daughter to be even a little aggressive was a HUGE step in the right direction.  She did feel a little bad for knocking someone down, but you could see the pride in her eyes.  On Sunday, we started the day with a regular mass, then we prepared for L's First Communion.  She looked so beautiful and did such a great job.  She did a reading and was confident, not bad for a girl with some stage fright!

My sweet L standing in front of our church's garden.

My beautiful family, I'm so blessed!

There was so much that happened during the service yesterday, it would take me forever to tell you all about it.  Suffice it to say, it was an amazing day and I was so proud of her!!  After her First Communion, we geared back up for our 4th soccer game of the weekend.  L's team was on again and they played the best we have seen them all season.  The girls one 5-1 and although she didn't score any, L had 2 awesome shots on goal that missed by mere inches.  She played hard and did a great job!!  Needless to say, it was a long weekend, but was worth every moment!

I was pretty proud of myself though, there was cake at her First Communion Reception and I didn't have any.  I love cake, so that is a big deal.  I did have a small cookie, but only a small one. :)  I tried to stick to my plan for the weekend and did pretty well.  I wasn't able to get to the gym Saturday or Sunday, but I did do my challenge exercises, so I got some movement in.

I worked out my lower body this morning, and I have started adding in some stair running.  That is an experience.  I am quite clutzy, so I have to really pay attention to what I am doing.  Today, I did 15 lunges, quickly went down the stairs, walked 1/4 mile in the gym, ran back up the stairs and did 15 more lunges.  Then I repeated that circuit.  I ran out of time, but hopefully Wednesday I can get at least 2 more sets of that in.  It was difficult, but felt great when I was done.   I should probably add that I've done 270 squats today too! My butt is going to look so good!

I get asked a lot about what I eat, and I've tried giving you a pretty good idea of my general nutrition intake.  But, because I believe in full disclosure, I feel the need to tell you I just ate a bunch of chocolate and peanut butter.  No, it was not healthy.  No, it probably wasn't the best choice.  But, sometimes cravings get the best of you and for the sake of your sanity, you go with it.  I think I'm good for awhile now.  I have no guilt about eating it.  I was fully aware of what I was doing.  I made the choice and it was my choice alone.  Now, I move on, I recognize a slip and know that I no longer eat that way every day.  To quote Elsa, I "Let It Go."

I finish today's post by showing you this lovely picture taken yesterday of my sweet husband and me.  He looks so serious, but he really is very funny!  I love him greatly!

Faith. Courage. Strength. Change.

Getting My Veggies!

One thing I have found that I sometimes have difficulty doing is getting my veggies.  I really do not know why that is.  I actually like most vegetables so theoretically it should be fairly simple to to get the 4 servings of vegetables (according to www.health.com) that active women should get each day.  It isn't.  I'm not really a girl who digs salads.  Well, let me retract that.  I prefer my salads to be slathered in dressing, and not the healthy kind (Blue Cheese is my absolute favorite!).  So, since that isn't exactly the healthy way to eat salads, I just don't eat them.  That leaves me with a problem in getting my veggies then, doesn't it?

That is one of the reasons I eat smoothies the way I do.  I can throw 1-2 cups of kale in the blender and get some veggies that way, then I don't feel bad about not eating salads.  I throw veggies like zucchini and squash in with my eggs which I love.  I try and sneak them in any thing I can so I make sure I am getting them.

I also love noodles.  Unfortunately noodles aren't exactly low in calories even though my new favorite kind, Ronzoni, is much lower!  So, a while ago, I tried something at the suggestion of the Hungry Girl called Tofu Noodles.  If you know me at all you know that I am NOT a tofu girl.  I am a meat and potatoes girl.  But, she talked about them so highly I thought I would give them a try.  UGH!  Yeah, they were GROSS!!!!  Yuck.  I have kept my eye out for another idea for noodles.  I heard about spaghetti squash which I tried with fantastic results.  Seriously, if you haven't tried spaghetti squash, run to to the store and get some!!

In my daily perusal of Pinterest, I found that Hungry Girl had suggested using Broccoli Slaw instead of noodles.  Now, I like slaw, I like broccoli, and I like noodles.  But, this seemed a little crazy.  I'm willing to try new things though, so I bought a bag.  I gave THIS recipe a try.  Oh My Goodness.  It was very good.  Now, realize up front, you are not eating noodles here.  They are still a little crunchy, but I put some home made pasta sauce (thank you Aunt Terri!) on them and a little Parmesan Cheese and it was really very good and very filling.  I will most definitely give this another try!  It was only about 170 calories for the entire bowl!  AND it gave me 2 cups of vegetables (that does not include the veggies in the pasta sauce either!) for my lunch.  Personally, I think it was WAY better than a salad!!

Let me know if you give it a try, I would love to know what you think!!

Faith. Courage. Strength. Change.

Challenge!!

I do a lot of skulking around Pinterest and have lots of different boards, but one of my favorites to go back through and look at is my "A Shape Other Than Round" Board.  I have SO many workouts saved on there that it is great just for inspiration if nothing else.   Some of the workouts that I have pinned on there are 30 day challenges to increase the number of push ups or squats or other exercises that you can do.  I have tried to do these type of things before and sometimes I have worked my way through them.  I have obviously been working hard.  But, I really like to keep things mixed up and exciting so I do not get bored.  Also, the dreaded swimsuit season is right around the corner (the horror!).  So, the other day I decided that I was going to kick it up just a notch and put in some extra work.  I also thought this would be a great chance to hit my 50 push ups and 5 minute plank goal that I set at the beginning of this journey.  I looked through all of these different challenges and put together one that would be difficult, but doable.  It includes different movements to help build strength.  I plan on doing these exercises as an INCREASE to things I am already doing.  They will not take the place of my current plan, but will add to it.

I put it out on Facebook that I was doing this and asked if anyone wanted to join me.  I was OVERWHELMED by the response.  There are so many friends that want to join me on this journey and either bump up their hard work or to get themselves motivated.  I LOVE IT!!!  It is so exciting to be a part of this with these amazing people.  I even made a FB group and invited them all.  I had people posting to me first thing this morning that they had already completed their Day 1 workout!

I finished my Day 1 workout this morning after a KILLER rowing class and then a vicious spinning class.  I was pretty much wiped by the time I was done, but I was really excited because I was able to do the 5 push ups on my toes!  Woo Hoo!  If you want to take part, please let me know and I will clue you in.  This was today's workout:

50 Squats
5 Push ups
20 Second Plank
20 Second Wall Sit
5 Sit ups
25 Crunches

Think you are up for it?  Of course you are!!

So, the killer rowing class and vicious spinning class that I just mentioned were just that.  Killer and vicious.  In rowing class, we did some different things than we have been doing.  We did some new races which were fun and fast.  I was pulling 100 meters in 19 seconds.  I pulled 150 meters in about 30 seconds.  That is pulling pretty fast.  Our instructor said we weren't going to do a 500 split race.  After the class, we all stretched and cooled down.  Apparently though, we all got hit with the idiot stick and decided that we needed to do a 500 split race on our own.  So, we did.  I didn't pull as quickly on it as I have been, but I was still under 2 minutes which I am happy with.  Then I went to spinning and I don't know if it was because of the rough rowing class or if spinning was just exceptionally difficult today, but about 20 minutes in I hit the dreaded WALL.  I truly thought there was no way my legs would turn any more.  I thought about stopping and being done.  Thankfully, I was working with an AWESOME instructor and she is so motivating.  I knew there was no way she would let me quit.  She was encouraging and helped me keep my head in the game.  I busted through the wall and even set a new high for myself at 150 rpms!  I have NEVER done that.  I was pretty excited!  I just kept going.

The biggest thing that I did was this: I prayed that the Lord would help me bust through and stick it out. I continued to pray though out the rest of the Spin class to finish strong.   Some people may be thinking that these are silly things to be praying about and that God has better things to do than help me get through a class at the gym. I say that God loves me and He put me on this path and journey.  He knows me and He supports me.  He LOVES watching me succeed and He is there for me when I need Him (and even when I don't know that I do!).  It is because of God that I am where I am and I will gratefully take HIS support in EVERYTHING I do.  I hope that you will too.  If you are struggling in anything you are doing, then I suggest talking with Him.  He will show you what you need to do and where you need to go.  He will be with you, all you have to do is ask!

Have a wonderful day!

Faith. Courage. Strength. Change.
(I think this is going to be my new motto.  What do you think?)