4 Weeks

4 Weeks.  4 weeks can seem like a lifetime.  4 weeks can fly.  4 weeks can creep.  4 weeks can change a life.  4 weeks can change MY life.

4 weeks ago, I made myself a commitment.  I promised myself that I was going to change and that my life would be better.  Don't get me wrong, my life is pretty freaking awesome.  I love my life.  But as you know from previous posts, I do not like who I see when I look at myself in the mirror.  And not liking what I see sometimes makes me think my life isn't as awesome as I KNOW it is.

For 4 weeks, I have committed myself to working hard, eating healthy, speaking positive words to myself, reminding myself that my children, my husband, and my God love me just the way I am.  I have committed to drinking a crazy amount of water each day, eating as balanced of a diet as I can, and reminding my children the importance of being HEALTHY and NOT skinny.

For 4 weeks, I have made myself go to the gym, trudge through the ice and sludge covered parking lot, bundled up to guard against the insanely bitter cold.  I have shivered all the way back to the van after being covered in sweat.

For 4 weeks, I have grimaced and groaned every time I get up out of bed or out of a chair.  My muscles are sore and my joints are creaky.  My knees are swollen and crackle with every movement.

For 4 weeks, I have stepped on the scale praying the number is smaller and then reminding myself that number is of very little importance.

For 4 weeks, I have looked in the mirror and made myself see the things I like about myself.  I love my height.  I have great hair.  My eyes are pretty with long eye lashes.  I can rock a pair of heels even at 6 foot tall.  I am strong.  Everyone of scars and stretchmarks are a part of my story.

For 4 weeks, I have been making an effort to truly love myself where I am.  Loving myself only when I get to where I want to be is pointless.  Loving myself where I am right now will get me to where I want to be!

In 4 weeks, I have lost 17.2 pounds that I will NEVER see again.  I feel better than I have felt for a couple of years.  I am feeling more confident.  Confident enough, in fact, to purchase (and wear!) 2 pairs of tight spandex workout pants.  That is something I would have NEVER figured I would feel comfortable wearing.  I'm not sure I am completely comfortable in them yet, but I wore them today to the gym.  I wore them and did NOT let myself worry about how I looked, how much cellulite was showing, or what the person next to me on the treadmill thought about them.  I just wore them.

4 weeks.  I am becoming the person I want to be.  4 weeks.  What will you do in 4 weeks?  What will I do in the next 4 weeks?  I don't know, but I can't wait to find out!