I have to tell you all about a very devastating problem I have developed. I have looked into treatment, but there really is only one cure. Unfortunately, this cure could potentially cause complications in my life and could even cause the problem to become more severe.
That is right, I have STARTITIS. I know, I know, it is just awful. Startitis affects 99% of knitters at one time or another and can lead to very late nights, a very messy yarn storage unit/closet/room, a dead computer battery, and even potentially an upset husband.
For those that are unaware of what Startitis is and just how serious it can be, let me fill you in. Startitis is a condition that causes a knitter to become completely unhappy with everything she (I am fully aware that knitters can be men, and I encourage them to become knitters, but for the purposes of this blog, I will be using feminine pronouns!) is knitting and makes her feel that she has to start a new project immediately. Sometimes Startitis can even cause a knitter to feel the need to cast on 2, 3, or even more projects right away. Startitis can strike without warning and can last for a long time until the new items are started or until the knitter has a refreshed love of the project(s) that she has already been working on (the latter is extremely rare and may only be a very temporary reprieve from the symptoms of Startitis!).
The only cure is to begin at least 1 new project, and beginning more than one project will increase the knitter's chances of overcoming startitis. Occasionally, this "cure" can have the opposite effect on a knitter and will cause her to dislike every brand new thing she casts on causing her to rip back, or "frog", everything she attempts to do. The knitter will usually spend hours on websites such as Ravelry or Pinterest in order to find that "perfect" pattern to help her overcome startitis, sometimes causing the knitter to avoid going to bed until wee hours of the morning. The places in which a knitter stores her yarn will usually be destroyed as the knitter attempts to sort through the already owned yarn for inspiration. Many times, even though the knitter has an enormous amount of yarn, the knitter will not be able to find the "right" yarn for the "right" pattern and will end up at the yarn store battling with other knitters afflicted with the same problem.
I urge you to approach knitters dealing with Startitis with caution, especially if you are wearing a sweater or knitted hat or scarf. She might not be able to help herself as she grabs a hold of your sleeve and feels the fiber of the sweater in between her fingers or looks at how the sleeves are connected and wondering if she could recreate the design. Do not be afraid if this should happen, just stand their quietly while the knitter looks, she will eventually let go. For your own safety, do not ask a knitter who is afflicted with Startitis what she is working on lately. She will appreciate your restraint, and you will appreciate not having to listen to her complain that she is unhappy with everything in her knitting bag.
So, as I began this blog post telling you, I have been struck with Startitis. I have a sweater, a shawl, a sock, and a scarf on needles currently and I am not enjoying any of them. I have been looking online for 4 hours trying to find something I would like to knit. I have not ventured into the yarn closet yet, but I would imagine that will happen tomorrow. So, if you see this knitter tomorrow, approach with caution. I will probably have the previously mentioned shawl in my hands and may even be scowling at it with every stitch. Hopefully, Startitis will pass quickly and allow me to enjoy my current projects again. Mainly because most likely 3 of the 4 projects I have going on were the result of my last fight with Startitis.
As a final suggestion, if you know a knitter who has been struck with Startitis and you see her working on her knitting, be sure to tell her how beautiful it is. Even it if it s big lumpy pile of something the color of which you can only describe as breastfed infant poop yellow, complement it. You will not only bring a smile to the knitter's face, but also might save her a fight with her husband as he is tired of yarn being strewn throughout the house as she looks for her next Startitis fix.
Blessings,
Theresa
This is the Cake version of "I Will Survive". I LOVE Gloria Gaynor's version, but Cake's rendition always makes me smile. I hope it makes you smile too!
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