In 20 weeks, I have lost over 50 pounds, but I have GAINED oh so much more. I have seen my body do things I had no idea it would ever do again. I have lifted pounds that I haven't been able to do since I was a senior in High School. I have found a love for spinning and rowing and even the elliptical machine. Running around with my kids kicking a soccer ball no longer makes me feel like I am going to keel over dead. Watching my body in the mirror has started to make me smile a little bit instead of feeling like I should be ashamed of what it looks like. I have realized that there are some parts of my body that will never change even after I hit my goals, those stretch marks are here to stay. And you know what? That is okay, because each one of those marks is a reminder of the three beautiful children I was blessed to bring in to this world.
I have learned so much about food, it is almost ridiculous. In the past, I have tried diets like the South Beach Diet and Weight Watchers. Yes, I lost weight. No, I was never able to keep it up. Restricting my foods just does not work for me. I LOVE to eat. And I LOVE food. Always have, always will. I am a meat and potatoes kind of girl, not a salad chick. What I have found is that telling myself I CAN'T have something only makes me want it more. So, I quit telling myself that. I quit dieting and instead found a way of life. I still eat cookies. I still eat steaks. Heck, last night I had cheese ravioli with alfredo sauce from Puccini's. What I have changed is HOW I eat. I no longer need to smother my ravioli in the alfredo sauce. I can have it on the side and just have a small amount. If I DO have a salad, it does NOT need to be drenched in dressing. I can even have REAL dressing if I want and just not drown my salad in it. These are things anyone wanting to lose weight hears just about all the time. But, until you really understand how it affects YOU, it is not going to click. For me, it finally clicked. The ONLY thing that I no longer consume is soda. I really paid attention to how it was making me feel and figured out that it was something I really needed to get rid of in my life. I am glad that I did. Sometimes does it suck to choose yogurt over pie? Yes, of course it does. But, sometimes, that choice must be made. Sometimes it is OK to have the pie, but it is NOT OK to choose pie every time.
The funny thing in all this is that once you start getting healthier and feeling better about yourself, so many other things in life seem so much better. My relationship with my husband is stronger than it has ever been. We are in this life together and we are making it the best it can be. My relationship with my children is awesome because I have the energy to spend the time with them that I need to and that THEY need me to. Yes, I still get frustrated with them. Yes, they still get yelled at. I'm human. But, I can tolerate the little things so much better now. Most stress I feel gets beat out of me at the gym. When you aren't getting upset at the short people in your house, you find that they really are a LOT of fun!
I hope that I have become a better friend too. I try really hard not to make every single conversation anyone has with me about my journey. Sometimes, it is inevitable, especially when someone else brings it up. But, I feel like since I feel better about myself, I can listen better to others. Does that make sense? I hope this is true anyway, because I have the most amazing friends and I want to be as good to them as they are to me!
My biggest and most favorite growth though has been in my relationship with Christ. He has pushed me and challenged me in ways I would have never imagined. When He started me on this path, I was terrified. I was scared I would fail and let myself down. Or even worse I would let everyone else including Him down. What I didn't realize is this: "If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it." So very true. By inviting Him fully into my meals, my workouts, my conversations, my life I have found so much more purpose and strength. He is with me through every single step, push up, and bicep curl. He pushes me, He encourages me, He celebrates me. He is just awesome.
So, bottom line, what have I learned in 20 weeks? Here is my top 10 list:
10. When you lose weight and commit to being healthy, people will ask you a lot of questions and assume you are an expert. It is OK to give you opinion and share what you have learned. But, remember you are NOT a trainer or a doctor. It is okay to remind them of that.
9. Sometimes your body does need rest. You are NOT weak if you take this rest. Just don't let the rest last TOO long.
8. Occasionally you need a treat. Swiss Cake Rolls are pretty good at fulfilling that.
7. Don't be afraid to brag about your successes, it is an awesome feeling when the world (and by world I mean friends and Facebook) celebrates with you.
6. When someone compliments you, say "thank you". Anything else is unnecessary and either demeaning to you or them. (Totally still working on this one!!)
5. Diet is a bad word, don't use it. For that matter, so is skinny and fat. Let them go.
4. In the weight room, men are actually much more encouraging to women than you think they would be. Don't be afraid of them. Sure, you will have the occasional one who looks at you either with annoyance or to check you out, but most just think it is cool to see a girl not afraid to lift. It is OK to be strong!
3. Don't be afraid to try a new class or exercise. Your butt, arms, legs, and every single muscle might hurt like crazy the next day and sitting down to go to the bathroom will be all but impossible. But, I promise, the second time you do it, you will be AWESOME!
2. I am absolutely worth this. So is my family and so are my friends. We all deserve the best me that I can be.
1. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13, NIV
I do want to say thank you to everyone who has been following me on this journey so far. Thanks for keeping me honest and encouraged. Thanks for reading, thanks for praying. Thanks for the good thoughts, and the occasional kick in the butt. Thank you. I still have a long way to go. This is not a perfect journey, but it is my journey. And I am beyond proud and excited to be making it.
To finish, here are some pics of my journey so far!
New Year's Eve, 2013 (It isn't a great pic, but it is the only one I could find with a full body shot. Obviously, I was less than thrilled to have my picture taken and have sort of shielded my body with L's.)
4 Weeks In!
8 Weeks In!
12 Weeks!
16 Weeks!
20 Weeks!!
FAITH. COURAGE. STRENGTH. CHANGE.
