Monday, August 18, 2014

Real Choices. Real Changes. Real Life.

Last week, I turned 35 years old.  Last week, I went from having to check the 25-34 year old box to the 35-39 year old one.  Last week I really reflected on my life.  I reflected on all of the highs, the lows, and most of all the amazing in my life.

Most definitely, there have been lows in my life.  There have been times I have been lower than low.  There have been times when I've wanted to just let it all go.  There have been times I've had to say good-bye to some of the most important people in my life.  There have been times I have cried myself to sleep.  Times I have wondered what all of it means and what the point of all of it is.  There have been times that I have been so angry at God I started to walk away.

But then, there are so, so many more times that the highs in my life completely outweighed the lows. There are times in my life that are so filled with happiness that my heart could barely contain it.  Even those low times, I can think of moments in them that were so filled with joy.  Times when tears of sadness and despair turned to tears of laughter.  At funerals when everyone is so sad, but all it takes is a mention of a memory. Then there are those times of utmost joy when there is no sadness.  Moments in my life that changed my life are filled with so much happiness.  Seeing my babies come into this world.  The moment E walked into that bar and tapped me on the shoulder.  The moment when we first saw that positive pregnancy test. Finishing my very first REAL knitted item (probably only crafters will get what a joy this is). Crossing the finish line on my first 5K, then on my first 10K.  Pressing up 135 pounds and then walking a 5K faster than I have ever ran one. Watching friends walk down the aisle. Meeting new friends and instantly knowing what an important part of my life they will become or even more surprisingly having NO idea what an important part of my life they will become! Even saying good-bye to loved ones has moments of joy as I know they have gone on to be with the Lord. That moment when I realized that even when I wanted to walk away from Him, He saw me, He knew me, He loved me, and He called me back.  Seeing the amazing.  Isn't that what this life is all about?

Since this blog is mainly about my journey to be the best me possible, I've been thinking about what turning 35 means for this journey.  I know that at 35, I feel better than I have EVER felt in my ENTIRE life.  And I mean that completely literally, this is the BEST I have ever been.  Now, that does not mean that anything that came before this was bad.  It absolutely was not.  I have had a very good life.  I have people that love me, I have 3 amazing children who fill me with joy every day.  I have this incredible husband who I am blessed to wake up to every day.  I have had a very good life.  But, in the past year, I have come to realize that it could be even better.  So, that is what I set out to do.  I wanted my life to be the absolute best I could make it.  I did not ever want to wake up and look in the mirror and think that there was a chance that I did not live this blessed life to the absolute fullest.

You know where I am going with this.  If you have been reading my blog, following me on Facebook or Twitter, or just listening to pretty much anything I have talked about in the past 8 months, you know that I have changed my life.  I did not do it alone.  I have had major help along the way.  My husband changed his right a long with me.  We did this together.  I have taken advice from people much wiser than myself.  I have given in to the process of change, knowing that not every day will be perfect, but every day will be BETTER.  And what better means changes daily.  Every day I have to re-evaluate what I want my life to look like.  Every day I give everything I am doing over to God and ask for His help.  HE set me on this path, this path to make my life the life HE wanted for me.  I have no doubt that that is what I am doing and I want to make sure that HE is a part of every bit of it.

So when I say that this is the best I have ever felt, I mean not just physically, but also mentally, emotionally, and most importantly spiritually.  This life is only going to get better.  35 is just a number.  I don't look 35.  I definitely don't feel 35.  35 looks better than 30 did.  And, 30 looked pretty good.  So, I say this to you.  When you look at your life, are you where you want to be? Are you where HE wants you to be? Are you listening to those around you who might be a little wiser? Are you listening to that still small voice inside of you telling you HE loves you and wants everything for you? If changes need to be made, are you making them? Those changes aren't always physical, believe me, I know that.  If you see me, you see the physical changes, but you have no idea how much work is being done on the inside, and honestly, that is even more important to me.

Many people have asked me how I have done what I have done, but in the next breath say, "Oh, I just don't have time right now."  I tell them, that's okay, you will know when it is your time.  It took me a LONG time to come to terms, to listen, and to OBEY.  That is a difficult word to get, even more difficult to follow.  But, that is what I did.  I came to terms with what I was doing to my life (physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually), I listened, and then I tried to obey.  I don't always get it perfect, heck, I don't always get it right.  Some days, I get it TOTALLY wrong.  But, I keep trying.  And in the end, that is all any of us can do.  Try.  Because what better example can we give our children, our friends, our family, ourselves?  TRY.

May you be blessed.

FAITH. COURAGE. STRENGTH. CHANGE.